jloldblog

2005-07-16T20:16:00.000+08:00

I'm currently experiencing problems with my net... i can't get to any webpage through my browsers at all. but i can connect to places like msn though. so now i'm trying to blog using this hello thing but i dunno whether it'll work. so i'm just blogging here in case it works.

i miss you

2005-07-08T00:34:00.000+08:00

I miss my old blog, that's why i'm here to post a totally meaningless entry again. i miss my picture of the sweet little pink girl. i miss the snow. i miss everything. it's being reduced to being called an 'old blog' now.

I love my old blog. maybe i'll come visit it once in a while. or even post some irrelevant entries. or even tag. so if you ever happen to stumble in here, you are in an old blog. all the fun & chatterings are happening at chocolatekissess.blogspot.com now. sorry i can't seem to link this now. spammers. *rolls eyes

Happy birthday to jian!

2005-07-03T00:22:00.000+08:00

Yay happy birthday to JIAN~~~!!! 19 now!! so OLD!!! (i say that to everyone who turns 19 this year). you are not yi duo hua already hahaha (cos shi ba de gu niang yi duo hua). but it's ok. who cares about being a hua. Wish you happiness always! even though without me by your side anymore that'll be more difficult. but then you can make it one lah. hahaha...

Office politics

2005-07-01T23:31:00.000+08:00

We've often heard of the term 'office politics'. to me, it's really politics as in a fight for power. but i dunno whether what we're experiencing right now can be termed as so. it's more like 'juvenile office bitching'. spiced up my working life though haha... i dunno what to do without all these super bitchy happenings. call me shallow call me childish. i'm having fun.

The story revolves around a headset. and this little girl who adored the headset so much as she depended on it for her daily nap at work. Nono not me.

For starters, we are all telemarketers. there weren't enough headsets to go around for every one of us. thus most people would have to call using the traditional handset. which looks damn uncool. (you know those chunky office phones). the headset actually makes you feel professional. like those pretty young ladies you see on tv where they go "hi may i help you?".

Anyway the good thing about headsets is that you can just put them on and slack and make people think that you are actually making calls. i think that's the main point.

So that's exactly what little girl was doing. she comes to work everyday, puts on her headset and sleep. i always wonder how she got away with it. erm like kinda obvious when you sleep right? hmmm...

Apparently some other telemarketers weren't very happy with her. as little girl came late one fine day, her neighbour took the headset and gave to another guy. little girl came. little girl saw what's missing. little girl made a little scene, and then took out another headset from her drawer. :s

THEY SAY it's her 'stand-by headset'.

Ok that's already pretty amusing. but wait. there's more.

Little girl was really pissed by the headset thief you see, so she wrote a note like this: "there is someone sitting at this seat. please do not remove anything from here, especially the HEADSET. anybody who takes the headset would be cursed and sweared forever. if you take things without permission you are STEALING." and put on her table before she left.

This is so funny that nobody noticed the grammatical error. the few of us who stayed back a bit later discovered the note and couldn't stop laughing.

One of us, this indian girl, she is very cheeky. she then proceeded to add on little girl's note: "sorry. this is company's property. thanks." and again took away the headset and gave to another uncool person without one.

This morning came, so did little girl. she kinda made a big scene as there were no more stand-by headsets. steamed, she asked around if anyone took her headset. she took her note and complained to the project leader: "someone took my headset! you know who is it? she even wrote something on my note! do you recognize the handwriting? can you find out who is it? i remember the serial numbers of my 2 missing headsets! is **** and ****"

I think the project leader almost fainted. does this remind you of primary school??? (teacher teacher!!) she replied: " er ya i think can! can lah can find out the handwriting. ya."

Ahem. this is so DUH.

However at a point of time i saw her happily holding another headset while going back to her seat. wonder where she got it from... hmmms...

The bunch of us were gossiping about her in the pantry during break, creating a hell lotta noise. young adults, the bulk of us age ranging from 18-23, having great fun over such things. quite childish. haha! but how could i not laugh over such an incident.

But laughing aside, i felt quite sorry for her. almost all of us temp telemarketers knew about her, and laughing at her. although in the first place she was at fault, but quite sad to know that people are giggling and gossiping behind your back eh.

Worse still, she's very friendly towards indian girl, THE ONE behind everything. she smiles and stops by to talk to her all the time. she doesn't even acknowledge the rest of us sitting near indian girl. ironic eh? these kinda things make me feel suspicious of the people around me all the time.

I guess it's not that we want to be hypocrites. i'd still try to maintain good ties with a person i dislike. why complicate your own life. xiao.

Therefore i shall just take it that everyone likes me if you don't voice out your criticisms in my face. yeah.

Ohoh and there are more idiotic stories at work. more on that next time. i feel so long-winded. BAH.

pilot!

2005-06-29T01:42:00.000+08:00

I'm so proud of brandon chen junhao! hahaha... make sure you pass ah! i believe you will. then you can surpass my shinkai and be my favourite pilot you know. oh and please bring a koala back! the real one.

I'm allowed to apply for hostel again. seems like bra is not the only fickle person around.

Talking about bra... i have no right to judge you, but just hope that you will be happy & steady with the decision that you've made! hmmms... and don't do things to discredit yourself again. =p

I'm having a stomachache now. since morning. i feel like i'm gonna puke out my guts. crap.

Ay... i realised that as school is starting, close friends would be drifting further away from me. because ntu snatched them away. so did pilot school. etc. we might not be able to meet in months. or even years. i feel so lonesome now. oi.

bra; revenge

2005-06-27T00:16:00.000+08:00

Hmms.. bra won't be reading this post till a week has passed but i shall say something to him here anyway, although i dunno what exactly to say right now but... i shall just say something.

Since you asked me if i had read your post, i reckon you wanted me to read and derieve something from it? i have read it, and i wanna say that... no lah i'm sure your friends won't feel that you are daoing them or anything like that. can't expect you to talk to us every minute right. so no need to be sorry wat. =D

Next, i can't really tell you:" hope you feel better soon." cos after so long you still didn't feel better. i also dunno what to do to feel better. maybe eat chocolates. or maybe, you should seek a closure to things. either go all the way to pursue it or forget everything about it. easier said than done. so as you can see, i have no solution to your problem either... i can only be there to reply to your smses when you feel sociable again. =P

You can't stop those scenes from replaying. to me they just got fuzzier, until they are almost void of feelings. almost. that's why i said THEY should leave me alone because i don't need. THEY= reminders that i had been hurt. regardless of whether THEY are in the form of care or concern or pure evil intentions. i've decided that i don't want any & i'm trying to stay out. (a different story whether i'm successful).

Opps i seem to have digressed.

Anyway, if i didn't remember wrongly, you had told me to take things in my stride before. so if you have already decided to give up, why can't you do the same yourself? but if you hadn't, what are you waiting for?

I don't believe in fate because if for everything that happens you blame it on fate, then what is fate?

I probably have no idea what i'm talking about. all of the above might not apply to your situation any bit. cos i do not have a good idea what has been going through your mind, you fickle boy. but then... ya... i will always reply your smses lah stop saying that people always dao you. but since you said you need time to be alone, you are alone now. =)

But do give me a warning before you decide to be sociable again.

**********

Frienster. i haven't been visiting friendster for a good long time. i have lost the sense of purpose for friendster. heard that there's a another version called *ican'trememberwhat'sthename-ster, where you only add your enemies. gosh. who has so many enemies to add. plus the other party might not even know he is an enemy until you added him, vice versa. and this will in turn lead to the creation of many more enemies.

* name is really not ican'trememberwhat'sthename-ster. because the writer seriously cannot remember what's the name. thus.

Anyway, i've also seen people declaring their hatred for each other/bitching about each other on their frienster profiles. it is for the world to know that they are hating each other/currently engaged in an high profile argument. which is cool because at least you know who's hating you & you get to strike back. i want also don't have ok.

Me too i bitch about certain people at certain times, on my blog, when i don't feel good about what they are doing. but i honestly do not have a single person that i hate.

The one who hated me probably sees me as a vicious woman, deterring her from making herself known to me in fear of a strike back. i'm seriously a revengeful person. since young whenever my mum made me angry i would think of something naughty to do for revenge. right now i'm thinking of going clubbing every night.

See? so better not let me catch you. OR ELSE. *hiakhiaks...

My week

2005-06-24T23:23:00.000+08:00

Whee~

I haven't been blogging for quite a long time.

There are just times when you absolutely have no idea what to blog about.

Not necessarily because nothing's happening.

Ok maybe a week might not seem that long.

Alright let's see what has been happening to me this week.

1) Went for OCS social night with david. saw joel & jacqueline &amp; lihui & kenneth & a primary school friend whom i haven't seen for about 6 years & loads more people. joel got high on 2 mugs of beer and was highly disappointed that we couldn't get into a club.

2) Met blue's clue & her sweet half & bra for lunch. blue's clue is so sweet. bra & i tried to pretend to be non-existant... to no avail.

3) Bra bought street fighter & the xbox home. can play. yay. ya street fighter is like... so 90's. but that's the only game which you can play with that hand held controller, which i like.

4) I've learnt quite a lot from my corporate telemarketing job. firstly, it's terribly important to be a polite person. everyone loves a polite person. be unpolite & don't expect to be treated nicely. at least by me.

next: if i set up a company next time i'll make sure i hire a receptionist/phonecall answerer with a sweet voice like lin zhi lin. makes my day to hear such a sweet & polite voice. never hire an auntie. never hire a crude auntie. never hire a crude auntie who does not understand nor speak good english. it's bad for business.

next: from now onwards i shall remain open-minded and receptive to new ideas in my life. because the initial reactions i get from lousy phonecall answers, after introducing myself, are often hostile. "what do you want!" or "what are you selling!" (notice the ! instead of ?) or "nono we don't need." or "we're are not interested", which i would proudly proceed to say that i'm not selling anything. of which they would hang their heads in shame and bow to my requests.

just kidding. but the point is, so what if i'm selling something? how do you know that you don't need it? what if it's a miracle product that can improve your life forever? what if it's something you deperately need that can save your life? i know what's their problem. they think if a product needs to be so hard-sold means it's no good right?! hehe... i used to think that way to.

5) I'm in the process of making a personalized blogskin for chaneunigegrace. haha... i scared not nice then she don't like leh how??? stressed.

6) Watched Mr. & Mrs. Smith with jian. wooo both mr & his mrs are so damn hot. the story's kinda stupid & ridiculous, but no i shall not kill myself with loopholes now. it's just a comedy with eye candy. i still prefer aniston though haha... my rachel. damn.

7) I'm now officially disallowed to stay at the nus hostel. my parents think thet whole hostel concept is to produce more babies. and also filled with people like the phone call maniac.

8) Slacking more & more during work.

9) Going for toilet breaks every hour.

10) Kill me. i can't think of a 10th interesting thing that i did over the week.

Me --> teenager

2005-06-18T00:20:00.000+08:00

Teenagers at work in an office. they are a disaster. or they are disasters.

1) They clear out the cookie & milo jars in no time. an office with a considerable number of teenage temp staff should get ready a large pantry budget, or not provide snacks & beverage altogether.

2) They are loud. it often doesn't come to their minds to laugh/chatter/gossip softly.

3) They seem to think that time waits for them as they delay their return from breaks. ie no sense of time.

4) Yet they rush to pack up & leave as soon as 5.55pm strucks.

All in all, their youth, vibrance, & trendy outfits put the older permenant staff to shame. thankfully, i acknowledge myself as being part of this group of gleeful teenagers happily earning our little pocket money by trying to slack as much as we can...

**********

In response to fish's blog, i think i may possess some qualities of those pink-adoring girls you were talking about... haha... i love pink. my blog is pink. my blog has hearts. my blog has tinkerbell music. i like cartoons (is spongebob included?). except that i do not wear roxy.

But i've never identified myself as a dumbdumb cutesy weak little girl who needs protection from a strong macho guy.

I just... love sweet & pretty things. =D

Fish is doing an unfair stereotype of us pink-adoring girls out there!! let's condemn her!! wahahaha~~~

Ahem on a more serious note... visit shiyun's blog. (free publicity). here's a pro-pink outdoor-loving knee scraping girl for ya!

**********

PS. i still do not know who you are. gee. isn't it ironic that at this moment when i'm trying all my best to avoid any trouble, they come knocking on my door. that i put on my best behaviour to try to sound totally sweet & polite on the phone at work all day while someone else verbally abuses me over the phone. gee. i love saying gee nowadays. it has a cool sacarstic kind of feel to it.

Gee.

I'd like to say that yes i'm a slut i've stolen your boyfriend i deserve it. but in fact i haven't been doing these sorta things.

In fact, i dunno what's your point.

Can't you see that i'm already trying very hard. please let me live my life in peace & go away. further.

More on work

2005-06-14T23:46:00.000+08:00

I'm currently working at cnet now. 9 till 6 job. it's a project-based job, so i'll be holding the job for only about a month. pay's damn good. there's free milo & coke in the pantry.

Basically what i'm doing now is calling up the heads of IT of companies, invite them to an IT seminar on change management & blahblahblah i don't really understand what i'm supposed to say so i just heck with the script and make up what i have to say on my own. with truth & relevance of course.

Ya and if you're bad enough can actually slack & skive. heard that don't need to finish calling my list so soon else i'll end up with nothing to do and bored outta my skull. so i shall skive more then.

Regarding that lunatic phone call to my dad... excuse me but my dad doesn't know who you're talking about. he doesn't know whom you do not want jinling to associate with anymore. if only you had spoken in good sense & state your stand clearly, he would have understood, instead of yelling like a mad woman and slamming down your phone. i hate kupping phones.

Only few of my friends have my dad's number, i could jolly well track who the hell are you. but the sad thing is only my close friends have his number, so i do not know whether really i should find out. but in a way i also wouldn't know how you got the number. maybe you snooped.

Perhaps you should have reached me directly. snoop further to find out my actual number would you? that would save us so much trouble. because you see ah now, i dunno which person you don't want me to contact, so i'll still continue to contact him/her! you see?

Ahh.. i don't think you see, cos a nutcase like you probably can't read, so you wouldn't be able to read my blog.

By the way my parents think you're mental.

Work again??

2005-06-13T11:59:00.000+08:00

I started work again today. coporate telemarketing. it's actually almost 1am in the morning of 14th june right now but i'm blogging as 11.59pm on 13th june because i wanna say "i started work TODAY" instead of "i started work YESTERDAY".

So then... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MERMYBABY~~!!!! love ya lotsssssssssssss~~~~

More on work tomorrow. i mean later. or maybe really tomorrow. i should get used to not being nocturnal now. zzz...

I'm suddenly feeling very stressed up. maybe cos of my new job. maybe cos of other big or little things as well. whatever it is, i'm feeling very stressed up. pardon me for snapping at you. i wonder how people can take on jinling's shit sometimes.

Good night.

Clubbing

2005-06-12T23:18:00.000+08:00

I went clubbing for the first time in my life yesterday. really. i haven't been clubbing before. it's to celebrate mer's birthday. went with her & her 2 other friends. =)

Clubbing first time was... a good experience. i was already very tired & sleepy & stony when we're there haha... we DUMPED chinablack because it was too picky & stuck-up (psst i was wearing slippers & no ic). then went liquid room, where avril's house is just a few steps away. free of charge. damn good.

But inside wasn't so good. so cramped. it basically comprises of a little pathway for drinks and a tiny space for ya'll dancers. very small. saw lotsa cute guys though. or probably cos it was dark & foggy & i can't really make out their faces. nah there can't be so many cute guys in singapore.

And i guess the first thing you'd notice when you start to dance, were the despo guys. or maybe it's normal. i just couldn't get used to it. guys start to follow you around. they like to dance behind you. they like to rub their groins against. eww.

There was this guy, number 4 t-shirt with cool specs & hairstyle, kept dancing behind me. wherever i moved he moved. i started to 'unintentionally' elbow a bit or retied my hair or dance more vigorously to shrug him away but he kept himself close behind. suddenly he reached out his stinkin' hand to touch my hips. bewildered i grabbed mer. mer grabbed me. he started to hold my hips with both hands. i wanted to shout & let him call me a stuck-up prude. but i decided to walk away peacefully instead. p-e-a-c-e.

Also you'll realize that guys, even when just walking past, like to touch you. i 'excused him' as he squeezed past but somehow he felt like reaching out and run his hands across my waist anyhow. holy crap.

I guess guys following you around likes to put their noses to your hair as they dance. i dunno. my hair stinks of the smoke smell.

I was cooking in there. so warm!! poor ventilation. so squeezy! almost no space to move. people got reeeeeally sweaty till they're just basically SOAKED. i've got so much sweat on myself, most of them were not even mine.

The contents of this entry is beginning to sound too explicit.

That's what you should expect from a place like this anyhow. i'd get used to it if i frequently visit.

Somehow, even though i didn't drink much, i started to get more & more high. probably because of the loud music & flashing lights & the dancing. and somehow, seeing so many cute guys around made me feel like hugging every single one & dancing with them. (although when they really did that i felt "GO AWAY!" probably not intoxicated enough). the attention was flattering though.

Wow i could really be a slut at heart. if i was rich & beautiful i'd be a paris hilton. *shudders.

Ah well, back to reality, guys from clubs are just guys from clubs.

I realized we only recognised people from what they wore.

The number 4 shirt.

A blue-stripped smoking guy. a blue-stripped botak guy standing at the wall doing nothing. the bangalaah pink shirt guy. the blue-shirt-with-strip-across guy. the short cartoon shirt guy. the white t-shirt angmo. the smokin' hot girl with the hat. woohoo~ some of the people i've noticed. (psst were you one of them? i couldn't really see their faces clearly).

In conclusion, clubbing every night is just a big waste of money & lifetime. i had fun though, wouldn't mind going once in a while. maybe the club wasn't good enough. didn't get to meet any cool people.

Oh yes and the music was good. i don't really know what's the definition of 'good' though. but i liked.

Unblocked

2005-06-11T00:18:00.000+08:00

Ok fine i've decided to unblock ***. it's pointless. i didn't even do anything wrong why should i spend my life shunning & avoiding ***? pooh! i'm such a self-contradicting b- ... i mean, girl.

Ladidadida~ i shall spend my life all carefree & gay(as in happy)... the sky is blue the clouds are so fluffy~~~~~

School is starting in barely 2 months!! i'm very looking forward to i tell ya, yet sad at the same time cos my longest real holiday of my life is coming to an end. (see what did i tell you about self-contradicting).

Talking about school... brings me back to my wonderful primary school days. i had my most bizarre memories from primary school, mainly because most people around me simply do not understand what they are doing as they are still considerably new to the world. peeing & vomitting in class seemed so normal back then. we wouldn't even bat an eyelid at that poor fellow. someone just go get a mop and class goes on.

Now that i think about it... what the hell??? people pee & vomit in class all the time!!! so strange!! how come i didn't laugh or stare at them more?

I knew of this boy in pre-primary (equals to k2 in primary school) who was notorious for his rowdiness. once during class we were all sitting on the floor, he discovered a hole in his sock. he started pulling at the thread. he pulled & pulled till the hole got bigger & bigger & bigger until his sock just... disappeared.

I think the teacher went crazy. i forgot with laughter or anger. i didn't think much of it back then. it wasn't even funny. i was just thinking :"tsktsk. naughty boy. now he got no socks leh how ah..."

Kids.

And talking about rowdiness. i was in the top class of primary 5 & 6, where teachers would often call us the 'cream of the crop'. or THE top class. or 'we expect all of you to get into special stream'. and most of all 'THE most well-behaved model students'. unfortunately we had the most rowdy boys. i also don't understand why.

One of the most ironic things which i remember happened was the time when this fellow, obviously very smart cos he was part of the cream, went to the principal's office, and wrote the four golden letters on his window plane (psst it starts with the letter F). using the water vapour thing on his window, i forgot whats the proper term for it.

The adults went ballistic. "omg! you are from the cream? you should be in EM3!"

No offense to Em3, but that was what the adults said. "only Em3 people should be doing that! not you!"

I not stupid?

Therefore he had to stand outside the principal's office for the day, if i remembered correctly. those who didn't know probably passed by shaking their heads giving him the dirty look thinking :"tsktsk what has this EM3 kid done again."

But he's really the cream of the crop you know.

Times have changed since then. there are no more EM categories already right? i guess.

Oh yes and the most irritating people i remember were the prefects. they like to tap your shoulders then put their revolting fingers onto their lips n "SHHHHHH!!" you. what's their problem man. *diao.

These are the people who'll promote to JCs and still continue to be loser councillors in schools like... AJ?!?!!!! who diao you when you don't cheer during competitions?? who cheer among themselves like idiots without spreading the cheer among fellow schoolmates during school functions? who think they look cool in those gaudy school blazers? yes that's them if they hadn't already grown up. those lousy councillors (i'm not saying all).

Blocked

2005-06-08T14:41:00.000+08:00

I've finally decided to block someone from msn today. i'm 99% sure *** had been blocking me anyway. i'm thinking of proceeding to delete the contacts. initially i thought why do we have to go to that extent. but because now i realized that no matter what, i really don't wanna see *** anymore. just catching a glimpse of *** brings back all the memories again and i hate it. it reminds me of all my mistakes. MISTAKES. i've made a lot of mistakes in my life.

See not only people can block me. i can block them too. block me for all that i care! i don't care about you anymore. * drags a define line across. "i'm on the FUN side." adapted from Madagascar the movie. but you're NOT invited!! ha!! ahem. speaking of juvenile antics...

I wanna go prague too.

Do you know? that if you go www.google.com and search for 'jin ling', my chocolatekissess blog will be at the top of the list!! isn't that amazing?? i might enjoy it while it lasts.

Today

2005-06-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

This shall be one of those what-i-did-today-posts. =)

9.30am: I woke up very early in the morning, walked to the sofa and continued to sleep again. too early. zzz...

10.50am: woke up for real. ate lunch and changed and dolled myself up cos i have an INTERVIEW!! The boliao-ness of doing nothing constructive has finally got to me. or to tell the truth, i'm simply running outta $$chi-chings$$ to continue that kinda lifestyle. therefore...

12pm: i headed down to tanjong pagar. one hour journey. it sucks. i dread the possibility of having to take the morning train daily again.

1pm: anyhow, i reached. the first other interviewee i met was from aj as well! cool. was from class 18... 02!! haha! now in fass as well. double cool.

1 something close to 1.30pm: interview started. it was a group interview. we had sorta like a casual chit-chat session. pretty fun. the people around were all quite chatty & friendly =D i felt as though the interviewer was trying to sell the job more than we were selling ourselves.

2pm: interview ended. i went off to meet jian. 2nd half of my day's activities starts: 'walking around' in bugis. mind you, not shopping.

from 2pm till 8.30pm(approx): we walked around ate drank bought things bloody blah blah and the day passed by quickly whilst you are having fun shopping. i mean walking around. i mean yeah really, shopping. i didn't really mean to buy so many things. honestly! just that when i decided to spend some money today i'll loosen up and start to allow myself to spend more and more and more and... more. i ended up in a debt today. cos, you know, most shops in bugis street don't accept nets, which should be a good thing for me. but not when your generous companion friend has lotsa cash to spare (lend).

Anyway i had lotsa fun browsing around today. we walked into a.. what do you call it.. appliance shop? and i asked to look at the olympus camera i was interested to buy (of course i wouldn't buy from there). just for fun. wow i love the salesman. he's such a warm-hearted soul. he ran around trying to help me find out how much a memory card costs. then took out the entire box thing for me to view its contents. then loaded the battery and memory card for me to try out the camera. he offered to gimme a 128mb memory card thing.

No thanks. bra brought me to an ulu shop that sells it for $49 cheaper with a free 256mb card. haha... good effort anyway. i'll cast him a vote for being the most enthusiastic sales person. at least i got to know how the pouch & charger & instruction book looks like.

Reviews

2005-06-06T00:07:00.000+08:00

Madagascar

A short funny little movie great for little kids like me. there's not much to discuss about, really. basically a couple of psychotic animals from the central park zoo which ended up ship-wrecked in this place called Madagascar which is entirely WILD. as in nature. i loved the giraffe melman with his goofy eyes & buck teeth. he reminds me of the good old 'Friends' (DUH david schwimmer). i miss Friends.

Oh ya and those penguins. how cute that everything seems to b a conspiracy to them. =p

"MOVE IT!"

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

Like almost everyone has read it. So what an old book already. but anyway. i don't see what's the big deal about it. He took some history facts and tried to twist around exaggerate a bit and lo and behold... he has produced a fictional story. maybe i'm just not into breaking codes. not very facinating to me.

The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom

Old man Eddie died while trying to save a little girl. he went to heaven & met the 5 people who had crossed his path in his life, altering it forever. they explained his life to him, why and what he had lived for.

The author warned you that his version of heaven is not affected by any religion, it's just his guess.

It never occurred to Eddie how much he had mattered to the world. he looked down on himself for having accomplished nothing in his entire life. he reckoned his maintenance job to be insignificant. he finally realized that sometimes, even the smallest things he does everyday could make a huge difference to others.

Too bad he only realized it after he died. but better than nothing. It made me think of what i've accomplished in life, which is basically nothing. how sad.

**********

I feel sick. the dizzy spells and ulcers and sore throat are setting in. guess: fever next. i often feel damn warm while jian complains she's cold. odd.

Think the last time i had a full-blown illness was right after chinese new year ( everyone knows why). That was during feb. mar apr may june 123 4 months since i had been sick! wah not bad i've been staying quite healthy these days. maybe studying makes you more prone to sickness as well.

hims

2005-06-03T00:32:00.000+08:00

Ahem... erm... some of my previous posts... seemed to have aroused a number of my friends' curiosity/curiosities (got pural?). i've gotten quite a few questions which i dunno how to answer/explain, particularly because i don't really want to lah. =p sometimes... my blog is only for me to understand...

So anyway... thought i just have to explain that....

June 01, 2005

May 26, 2005

March 31, 2005

I hope this is clear enough for my very-concerned friends :)

Basically, because of...

March 31, 2005

I decided to do this...

May 26, 2005

Obviously i'm kidding when i said that Jinling is very noble. i just wanted to protect myself from being hurt again, as well.

Do i make perfect sense? haiz to me i do.

So... hmmm... try not to ask me about this again lah.. hees.. cos you know....

theyshouldn'tconcernmetheyshouldn'tconcernme
theyshouldn'tconcernmetheyshouldn'tconcernme
theyshouldn'tconcernmetheyshouldn'tconcernme
theyshouldn'tconcernmetheyshouldn'tconcernme

Anymore.

This is what i always tell myself but why do i keep thinking/blogging about this? arghhh... cos i often feel so darn bitchy about my life and wanna bitch & bitch to remind myself how lowly & unworthy & insignificant & unimportant Jinling is. *pukes. like who cares about her anyway. go away.

itdoesn'tconcernme

2005-06-01T00:44:00.000+08:00

Oh nono itdoesn'tconcernmeitdoesn'tconcernmeitdoesn'tconcernme
itdoesn'tconcernmeitdoesn'tconcernmeitdoesn'tconcernme
itdoesn'tconcernmeitdoesn'tconcernmeitdoesn'tconcernme
itdoesn'tconcernmeitdoesn'tconcernmeitdoesn'tconcernme
itdoesn'tconcernmeitdoesn'tconcernmeitdoesn'tconcernme
itdoesn'tconcernmeitdoesn'tconcernmeitdoesn'tconcernme
itdoesn'tconcernmeitdoesn'tconcernmeitdoesn'tconcernme!!!

It's just my general opinion. yes it is. just discussing about how i feel regarding what she said.

If you think i'm talking stupid about you it couldn't be cos she wouldn't know i have a blog. i guess. haha...

Even if she does discover i couldn't care less. she's not a friend really lol.

*clearing up all the misunderstandings.

Jinling would never call a friend stupid, and mean it, on a public blog!!

On a lighter note, to all my friends who are hurting right now... hope you'll recover soon and live life as happily as before =D you only have to answer to yourself. who cares about what arrogant people (like jinling) thinks.

**********

Talking about third parties. i'm thinking about that liang jingru's song now. how do people feel when they actually decide to be a third party? do they feel helpless? guilt-ridden? impulsive? self-centered? evil? heck care? proud? thrilled? shameless?

I always thought that... if you are able to snatch him away from her, then someone else could easily snatch him away from you some day, as well. isn't it?? he's prone to being snatched. what a hottie.

But what if you reeeaaallly love him a lot. then how??

Ehhh... i don't have a definite answer. how ah. please advise. or wait till if the time comes then i think lah.

I know how it feels like to be regarded as a third party by the she, though. but you know, i'm perfectly innocent. hahaha... if not... where's my bf?? huh??? grrrr.... and there goes a perfectly fine friend. i don't think i should even talk to him now.

I've talked about this before, loyal concerned readers of my blog... =P in this way no one would be in a difficult position anymore.

Jinling is very noble. she understands. (although she secretly calls him a no-good bastard [ok fine maybe not your fault]) .

Do i really look like a shameless slut?

Hmmph.

Stupidity and the stalker

2005-05-30T23:55:00.000+08:00

Hey jian!! the girl's very stupid right??? hahaha... foolish beyond belief... i can't believe she said that. WAHAHA. i reeaaalllllly very much wanna write out what she said but i think i shan't in case she comes to my blog. or in case her friends come. or in case her boyfriend comes. haha... then i'll be in deep trouble.

K lah not saying that i'm very intelligent. but what she said really cracks me up. stop being so silly lah AIYO.

I think it's safe to say that... there are so many temptations in this world. if your guy wants to hurt you because he's being tempted... can you blame him? of cos CAN!! if not then?? blame the temptation itself? if this temptation did not attempt to tempt him some other will. tsktsk. so this means your boyfriend is not good ok... there are other guys out there more worthy of your eternal love and devotion if this really happens.

And do not ever believe him if he says he cheated but never wanted to hurt you. he chose to hurt you cos he chose to cheat.

Easy for me to say. it's not happening to me. but i'm just saying... as the way i see it now. if this really happens to me in future... i shall then refer to this entry of my blog haha... to remind myself again to be strong. =)

Jian says: "write something nice to read!"
Me: "like wat?"
Jian: "you think ba haha..."
*Me thinking very hard...
Me: "erm dunno leh..."
Jian: "dunno where xiaxue's inspiration come from haha... maybe her life very happening then got a lot of things to blog abt."
Me: "so my life sux lah! boohoo..."
Jian: "no lah just not as happening haha..."
Me: "we the losers"
Jian: "bleh. grumble."

What a meaningless converastion...

My life is actually quite interesting really. i've recently encountered another stalker.

Alright he's not a new stalker but he decided to turn around to stalk me again.

Alright he hasn't started to stalk me yet but why did he suddenly turn back? to stalk me!!! i hope he starts to stalk me again. it could really spice up my life & every night i could be blogging away about how a stalk works. i could conduct an interview with him. like this:

Me: so tell me... why do you like to stalk?
Stalker: it gives me thrills. the exhilarating feeling of the chase. one moment she's there. the other moment she tries to run away. and i chase. it's cool.

Me: so what kinda people do you like to victimise?
Stalker: those who are not fearful. those whom i could never seem to catch their tails. i love a challenge.

Me: ok... so... how do you go about stalking, really?
Stalker: basically i get her phone number first. from a reliable source. then i call her. i tell her that i'm rich & handsome. even when she doesn't buy that & says she doesn't like to talk on the phone i still continue to call her, and msg her. when she doesnt pick up her hp call her house. it's pretty easy-peasy.

Me: hmmm... but won't she eventually stop picking up your calls?
Stalker: yeah but i can still continue to send anonymous sms-es in chinese, saying those really freaky stuff. or continuously bug her by calling her number with public phones. (psst private number! *grins) can you feel it now?? the thrill... ahhhh....

Me: er... ok... so... so far no one has tried to get back at you? or tried to find out who's doing all the sms-ing and calling?
Stalker: oh yeah you betcha. one of her friends tried to call my anonymous number which i smsed from, asking for some freak guy John. that was when i got scared and stopped the chinese smses.

So much for an interview. to be continued, if he really does try to stalk me. *keep your fingers crossed.

P.S actually i dunno if this stalker has anything to do with the chinese-smser or the private-number-caller-who-breathes-loudly-but-never-talks. but just talking about the usual weirdos around here.

=D

Mrsfields

2005-05-29T16:45:00.000+08:00

The small print says 'Mrs Field's Brownies $2.40'

So ugly lah the model. needs make-up.

BraT

2005-05-28T00:21:00.000+08:00

I hate it that my mum spoils my nephew.

She lets him play with my stuff crash my com eat my stuff while pretending to scold him while laughing then sayanging him afterwards. WHAT'S DA POINT?!?!?!

ArGHH!!! this is so infuriating!!! i'm going crazy again.

That lil' BraT!!

Mummy please don't ever get angry when he does something bad to you or in future kill people set fire (sha ren fang huo) cos YOU are to be blamed!!

Ok. let's show some photos in my green top which i've decided that i don't like on the first wear.

Jian & i

Bra & i

All taken on monday when jian + gao + me hunt for gao's bag while bra tags along to take pics with his new and pro cam! woohoo...

Here's wednesday's kbox session photos. i happened to like that pink top a lot.

Introducing the hottest song of the season.... Guang liang's 'tong hua'.

He looks like he's suffering from a stroke.

Introducing an all-time favourite song....

Most people would know how to sing the first 2 sentences...

Jinling provides the next sentence...

Then jian's cam ran out of memory. too bad!!

darkdark world

2005-05-26T00:07:00.000+08:00

Once again, this interesting little activity continues to spread. 2 persons found my blog by searching this name: 'cheeguan', on yahoo.com. hahaha... this time i'm tickled by it. inspired by this name-searching frenzy, i tried searching 'jinling' specifically from blogspot as well to see what i can find. but turned out that 'jinling' is too common a name and there were too many pages in all. so far didn't discover anything surprising. decided to give up. it's really too bo liao. at least 'cheeguan' didnt give too many pages. nor did *****, in fact only 2.

I've decided not to write about discouraging things today. instead, let's talk about shameless people.

I've seen and heard about too many shameless people who exist in my world. it's so disheartening. oh wait, that's somthing discouraging too i guess. why do some people behave so shamelessly audaciously immorally immodestly incorrigibly indecently lewdly unashamedly unabashedly outrageously (courtesy of thesaurus.com) they make me wanna puke out my guts and shriek "go to hell and stay there!!!" arghhHHH!!! i'm going crazy mad berserk bonkers crazed cuckoo nutty mental psycho unhinged screwy insane haywire flipped spongebobsquarepants!!!

Because people actually read my blog, i can't say what shameless & ridiculous things i'm seeing people do.

Perhaps it's just a matter of opinion.

I just feel very sad.

The people whom i claim to be friends with. whom i trust. whom i love. whom i care about. will they do these things to me too?? are they doing it now?? have they done it already??(let's not mention those that i'm already aware of)

For now let's heck those people whom i don't care about. pity them. my heart bleeds for thee.

Why do i suddenly feel that the world is so dark. why do some people thrive on miseries. it makes them feel damn shiok when they see people being miserable isit. i do not comprehend.

They must be super happy lah cos the world is full of miseries.

Yay. *Smuf's theme song at the background (lalalalalala...)

I've digressed.

So anyway, i know you probably still care for me. i still remember your recent (ironically still sweet) words of concern. however... i just thought that by not contacting you anymore, it's the bestest thing i could ever do for you. i don't ever wanna be perceived as one of those shameless people i've just mentioned above, by anyone, although i'm fully aware that i'm not.

Sometimes i DO wish that you DO read my blog.

Cos you would be glad to know that i really don't need you to be worried for me anymore. i've got jian mer bra don tru etc.

I'll try my best to see doctor when i'm sick & drink more water & not to eat snacks between meals & sleep early & stay happy etcetcetcetc.... as well.

See i remember k.

P.S i'm not sure whether i'd rather be left alone or not. but pleaseplease continue to leave me alone if you don't really care. you are ever so obliging towards others. don't ever feel obliged to do things for me anymore (if that was really how you felt). you can do yourself this favour. =)

Pms works its way again. bah.

NOT bothered

2005-05-22T02:20:00.000+08:00

I'm not bothered at all. no i'm not. there's really no cause of myself getting bothered really. i mean, really! why bra do you ask me why am i so bothered. i really am not. i got nothing to do think say so i'm just doing thinking saying to occupy the extra time which would be left extra anyway. so. nope. i'd PROBABLY just wished that they'll leave me alone but it's ok lah. it's ok. i'm already doing the best i can. in the past when i thought that that was the best was actually not the best. this is then the bestest best.

So stop reminding me or making me confused.

I think i'll go sleep now and feel better when i wake up. gotta go work~ oh i think i have an idea for my next entry already. something that i feel discouraged about.

Lost!

2005-05-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

My heart broke today... :'(

I lost my that netty scarf-belt thing. dunno how you call it properly. a scarf made of some kinda net that can double up as an accessorizing belt... :(

Not that it's expensive. it's actually very cheap. but the thing is, it's quite pretty and i liked it. and it's the first time i wore it out. and the way i lost it was bizzare.

It was just settling happily around my hips one second, then the next it poofed! gone. wu ying wu zong.

Maybe....

1) it just slipped out of my waist n dropped along the streets quietly without me knowing.

2) someone thought it was too pretty and snatched it away as she walked past, without me knowing.

3) it got caught on something (eg. clothes hanger/tree branch/someone else's bag/weird wire) and decided to stay there without me knowing.

Whatever it is, it's without me knowing. i just suddenly realized that it's gone. :( so sad.

So if anyone sees a nice netty scarf-belt thing that's purple & silver in colour abandoned along the streets of orchard road please return it to me. it's mine.

I went NUS as well. kinda decided to go NUS now. yup so anyone who hates/wants to try to avoid me, who's deciding whether to go NUS FASS can take that into consideration. i'm SERIOUS.

I saw yuanie today with her friend from her class too... i think her name is huiwen... haven't seen her for quite a long time...

I dunno who specifically searched for that name(not mine) specifically under blogspot. i hope you found what you want and is happy. i still will not refrain from saying what i want cos this is my blog.

photos galore

2005-05-19T00:31:00.000+08:00

I took sooo many photos with mermaid today. i got invited to be on a green tea ad. how exciting!!!

Feeing down?

Fret not. What's this? green tea? here have some. *drinks

Mmm... wow! that was the beat green tea i've ever tasted! the heavenly sweet fragrance that lingers in your mouth... yumm... soothes your nerves, improves your complexion and makes you look younger. (as you can see i look like 12 here)

XX green tea. try it... ish good!

Good things grow as we share...

But WTH? mermaid wants to add a prawn into our tea?? "what's green tea without prawns?" so she says.

"I'm like, SO pissed!"

*****END OF AD*****

Ya that's damn lame lah, the ad. whole truckload of rubbish. dunno who came out with it. bah.

Shall post some photos here. do people still remember that jinling looks like this?? haha... refresh your memory:

Ay so sweet i wanna puke at myself.

Hehe we know something you don't...

Toilet pics...

Hmm. an artistic pic.

Nice happy smiling normal boring pics again....

This is mermaid.

She is very intellectual.

*****THE END*****

Cya again soon!

i look so kiddish! wHy??? my parents don't look kiddish. not like jang nara she looks so damn cute but chio at the same time. even when i try to pose slut-chio i don't look slut-chio i just look plain weird like alien. babyface is so not cool. nor hot. later people think i act cute ah.

"singapore and usa's biggest hunk"

2005-05-17T01:02:00.000+08:00

Haven't you heard of steven lim yet? "singapore's and usa's most handsome hunk", "famous street eyebrow stylist", "yellow swimming trunk striper in sg idol", "singapore's very own top-notch celebrity/actor"... as described by the man himself.

I won't go any further in case i get sued. (pssst you know how is it these days) i can only provide you with the following link: stevenlim.net. promised to keep you wildly entertained for some time. (hey this is like free publicity)

Here's a little preview:"This web is specially created to all of you who are reading this web, which promises to keep you really entertained. Do check out all the videos and make yourself really happy/excited!!! Pls kindly take at least 5 mins to browse it. Firstly, I like to thank PM Lee Hsien Loong for his kind blessing to my career as an entertainer. Support PM Lee and his leading government. Keep our country strong and free forever!"

And we thought William Hung was the most pathetic loser on earth.

Come to think of it, will hung's actually quite smart. strictly speaking, he's just an entertainer (known world-wide!) here to grab as much money as he could while it last. although he's being made like a clown. but he knows what he's worth! so what the hell! grab the chance and make money now first!

Maybe someday he could create something for himself like Mr. Bean. he could become the trademark of a hong konger in usa or whatever.

What nonsense am i blabbering about. it's getting late.

Beautiful illusions

2005-05-15T23:57:00.000+08:00

Today i wanna complain about the local channel 8 show that just ended. it's called 'jing zhong ren', or Beautiful Illusions.

When i watch dramas i often like to search for loopholes and make myself all pissed and angry. i dunno what's my problem. maybe i should stop watching tv. but this stupid show has too many loopholes that i wanna write out and HAHA laugh at it forever!!!

Although i didn't faithfully watch all the episodes but i'm already quite disturbed by the following questionable points:

1) She's got it all planned so well. from the day that ah sheng got out from jail till everyone died. spent so much effort and energy to pretend to have schizophrenia and make the 2 brothers fall for her and hence fallout cos of her. REVENGE!! all the VENGEANCE. imagine all the planning! but she doesn't even know the basis of the illness? all the planning and no research?? how can???

2) And when she visited the psychiatrist he never notice anything meh? the symptoms are not even of a schizophrenic so what kinda treatment was she undergoing? did she BRIBE the psychiatrist?

3) That ah fan was so afraid that his's jie's secret would be spilled out that he killed xiao fen. how come no reaction when he saw ah sheng running out of his jie's room in a frantic, possibly having uncovered the secret himself??? or is it just that his acting sux?

4) Where got schizophrenic bring clothes along and go toilet to change one?? don't have to be an expert to know that it's bizzare already.

5) After 6 years no change in appearance at all? even if they both contain great extents of knowledge in youth preservation but no change in hairstyle at all?? i'm so bu shuang!

6) And what an abrupt ending! not enough funds?? it's like suddenly everything's happening and the storyteller's frantically trying to pick up the pieces then- THE END.

Ahhhhh what a ridiculous show! i can't stand it!!!

PLUS shen wei jun can't act for nuts. his only applaudable scene that i've seen was when he mistakenly killed ah hua and tried to stifle auntie esther, shouting:" b-bu yao han!! bu yao han!!"

Thomas perpetually has that gloomy the-world-owes-me-face.

Fann only knows how to act pretty.

Personally, i only like that Dave person haha.... helps that he looks good too.

I know a lot of people love that show but i can't help thinking that's it's just plain weird-trying-too-hard-to-act-mysterious-and-unique.

My papa watches it while cursing loudly:" bo li you! (no reason!) singapore shows all so lao ya!!" with my mummy cursing at him:" don't watch lah! complain still watch. so noisy!!"

Haha... but we both find the joy in witnessing injustice then complaining about it.

Anyone who's reading this who can help me feel better by unveiling the truth behind my suspicions please feel free to do so.

espadrilles!!!

2005-05-15T00:11:00.000+08:00

Remember that from my last entry, i mentioned a certain very special & cute pair of espadrilles that i absolutely adore and dying to get my hands on. i also mentioned that i'll never find them in singapore and if i order them online it'll cost me US$60 plus shipping fees which obviously means: outta question. (pssst i even asked my friend in australia if they have that there).

Those were the divinely desirable (to me ok) shoes you see:

Notice that the model has gorgeous feet.

Ok. now see here:

Whose feet is THAT??? so ugly!! but whatever!! they are my feet!! whose shoes are those??? my shoes!!!

Haha! my tommy hilfiger holly women's sandals on my feet!! woooots~! (as char would put it)

To cut the fairy tale short, mermaid & i actually set out on an unintended quest for tommy hilfiger shops today. the only shop we know is at taka which we were sure won't sell shoes cos it's just a small little corner in a departmental store pooh! so we were walkingwalking around those rich looking bulidings and took some photos (will post later). in my new heels somemore.( yup i already bought new shoes recently) so painful. charles and keith may be inexpensive but definitely not too comfortable to wear. anyway, no tommy. boohoo.

Dejected, we decided to walk to that stupid taka outlet to, haha, CHECK. To our horror of horrors, there lay my tommy hilfiger holly women's sandals! in 3 different colours! (although i know of 5)

Imagine my surprise.

And it costs $59! sing dollars!! ok not like it's very cheap. but it's much cheaper than expected! and no shipping!

Suddenly the world seemed more beautifooool...

Even the rude salesperson didn't piss me off too much.

See there you have it. Jinling and her espadrilles. it's such an awful & selfish kind of self-indulgence. it's almost like a sin. i don't even need new shoes!! and $59?? damn ex compared to my previous shoes!! i can eat 6 mudpies! and 3 1/2 inch high! i can't even walk for long on them. what's this man. jinling is a pig!

Ay... but those were such nice shoes. i was trying them on and parading in front of the shop's mirror, which happened to be at the shop window. and people were staring at my feet! for the 1st time! i tried them on at the esplanade later again and people were staring at my feet, for the 2nd time! while bra was posing his camera at my feet. they could actually think that i'm a shoe model!! wahaha... =D

...with ugly feet! Lyn says a dancer's feet are never nice. ha! so i'm fine with my feet.

SO anyone who wants to ask jinling out for a meal can make a special request for her to put on her especially divine shoes. but limited to meals only.

I sound so bimbo right. buy a pair so-not-cheap shoes just cos they look so pretty. hey but i'm actually not. i like to read you know. remember they always had those reading programmes in primary school where the person who reads the most gets some sorta badge?

Ok i'm not that person. but i read a lot. i did a lot of book reviews. (1 for every 5 books read) and apparently they are so well-written that somehow they always appear on the class noticeboard! no kidding!

Chinese

2005-05-14T01:06:00.000+08:00

因為我最近剛下載了中文的軟件﹐ 所以今天便打算以中文來寫我的網絡日記。我也不知道為什麼打出來的字會是繁體字﹐ 因為我明明是輸入簡體字的。所以對於那些看不懂繁體或者華文的人。太壞了。 (too bad)

我今天發現了一雙我非常喜歡的鞋子。他們叫它作espadrilles。先給大家看一看。 Tommy Hilfiger Holly Women's Sandal﹕

很漂亮吧。聽說有5種不同的顏色。但是還是黃色最好看。我真的很喜歡﹗ 可是不知道本地有沒有售賣。但是就算有﹐ 價錢也不便宜喲。美金六十元吧。而且還要從網上訂購﹗﹖﹗ 所以以上只是在說夢話.

真無聊。

過了這麼久﹐ 我只能輸入這麼幾個華文字。因為我的漢語拼音有一點爛。但是我還是做到了﹗ 哇哈哈﹗ 不錯吧﹗ 我雙語精通﹗ 我是無敵的﹗

其實我不是每天都會這麼無聊的。

來來來﹐送給你一首歌吧。最近剛剛發現的。( 對﹐我知道我有點慢。)

柠檬草的味道

曲：李偲菘 | 词：李焯雄 | 编：Terence Teo
他们猜我们后来有没有再见离席了才会晓得怀念
突然我记起你的脸那触动依然像昨天对自己
我终于也诚实了一点

是不是回忆就是淡淡柠檬草心酸里又有芳香的味道
曾以为你是全世界但那天已经好遥远绕一圈
我才发现我有更远地平线我们都没错只是不适合
我要的我现在才懂得快乐是我的不是你给的
寂寞要自己负责

毕竟用尽了力气也未必如愿总是要过去以后才了解
突然我记起你的脸爱不爱不过一念之间
绕一圈今天的我能和昨天面对面
我们都没错只是不适合亲爱的我当时不懂得
选择是我的不是你给的明天自己负责

给昨天的我一个拥泡曾经她不知如何是好
若我们再见我会微笑谢谢你谢谢你我尝过爱的好
我们都没错只是不适合我要的我现在才懂得
快乐是我的不是你给的寂寞要自己负责

我要的我现在才懂得选择是我的不是你给的
幸福要自己负责错过的请你把握

*****

我非常明白是沒有人會有耐性去真的讀完我的歌。嘿嘿﹗ 但是每次聽到這首歌﹐ 總會有點傷感。我還偏偏故意一直去聽﹗ 真沒意思。

今天寫的日記真的有夠費的。好無聊的一天。不過用華文寫日記還不錯。能夠溫習自己的華文又可以消磨多餘的時間。就好像今天這樣。一舉兩得。多好啊﹗

今天就到此為止吧﹗ 再見。

And in case the above looks like just symbols to you, don't worry they are only meant to be chinese words. not some weird symbols for you to decipher to read the entry. i'm not into da vinci's code. go encoding to translate the page!

sorry

2005-05-10T23:53:00.000+08:00

I'm in a bitchy mood today.

I'm sick of hearing people complain about themselves getting torn over their 3 choices of universities. mind you it's not just the normal indecisiveness that most people and i possess. they tell people that they are TORN. they hate those choices. oh god why must they have to choose??!

PLEASE lah!! then just apply to one university in the first place lah!! who ask you to apply to all 3?!?! if you had wanted those choices at first then don't complain about it lah!

What a bitch jinling is. what right does she have to bitch about others. somebody please slap her.

***************

Jinling being the smart girl as she is, could somehow already figure what he wanted to say. and if i'm right... :

I've been a very selfish & self-centered girl in the pastpast, sorry to admit. i'm very flattered but i do not deserve your attention. (sounds darn familiar)

Not to mention that i've been very hurt before.

And it's not that i do not want to give myself another chance.

It's just that it's not now.

And it's not you.

I'm sorry.

And if Jinling is just another stupid girl who has totally misunderstood what he wanted to say...:

I'm still very sorry that i can't pretend to not feel uncomfortable.

Then friends would start to ask hmmms won't you be afraid to miss out on true love??

Huh wahh that's too serious lo...

But i believe that true love will prevail.

Ahem i'm not asking people to persist here.

Kingdom of Heaven

2005-05-09T00:24:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired now... but guess i shall blog about the movie i watched.

Kingdom of Heaven.

Besides that yummy guy, i have to say that the scenes were truly spectacular. especially the part where the Saracens are trying to break down the walls of Jerusalem. (is that correct?) reminds me of my stronghold game lol.

In a nutshell the movie started with a french blacksmith Balian (Bloom), searching to redeem his wife's sins when she committed suicide, which, under the law of christianity, she should be condemned to hell and decapitated. he thus followed his long-lost father, the celebrated Godfrey of Ibelin to the holy land of Jerusalem, where he was also knighted. and where he also promised to serve it's king and defend the land. where the bad guys tried to ruin the fragile peace ongoing between the christians and the arabs and finally succeeded in starting a war. where the heart-throb curiously earned the king's favour and rose to lead his people and have an affair with his sister.

Brandon says it's kind of a anti-religion show. haha.. true yeah... anti-the-way-people-worship-god. quotes from the characters could be highly thought-provoking. although i can't really remember what exactly they said haha, but i get the gist ok. for more chim explanation, refer to his blog. but i like the way the movie tried to portray the irony of people fighting against each other, making themselves suffer terribly... to show their love for God? because that's what God wants them to do? because killing an infidel is not murder? Balian burnt the bodies of the casualties so that an epidemic will not happen, despite the protests that under the law of christianity, they would then not be able to recarnate until dunno-when. but he says God will understand. if not, he's not God.

You love and worship God within your hearts and minds.

I liked the scene where Balian and co noticed the muslims praying by the sea.(they had to pay taxes to do that?? :S) and someone noticed that 'it's actually the same thing'.

Although up till now peace is still not restored in the holy land. the Kingdom of Heaven will always exist in their hearts. or Balian's heart.

And so, i actually thought the movie was quite exhausting to watch. haha... firstly it's long. secondly because of the fact that i'm a reasonably ignorant person who has little knowledge of the history of Jerusalem or crusades or whatever. thus i had to fight to try to understand the logics behind. and it didn't help that some of the scenes were choppy and weird and made me feel stupid and huh?? i don't really know who is who because they come in and disappear n come in randomly. and i don't feel for the characters. i just felt that Balian was yummy and his princess not so chio. i thought at some angles she actually looked like angelina jolie though. bah.

Anyway where are the Jews in the movie ah? wah i think i really don't quite understand. haha maybe i should watch again.

Depressed

2005-05-07T00:05:00.000+08:00

I feel could myself sinking back into my depressed state again...

Sighs how???

Halp!!

I feel so stressed!!

Go away!!!

Drunk

2005-05-06T00:07:00.000+08:00

I've never gotten drunk before. the most alcohol i've drank was a few glasses of wine that has alcohol content of maybe less than 10%??? i'm really a good girl. i wonder how it feels like to be drunk. i'm actually intrigued to try. i'll ask a close friend to sit in and record what i blabber. THEN i'll find out what i'm most bothered about in life now.

However i suggest you to stop drinking if you start to see something like this. IF you don't wanna get drunk, that is.

They just love themselves the most

2005-05-05T01:09:00.000+08:00

Some guys. just. they love themselves the most. whatever they do whatever thay say to try to cover up and make themselves look good. in actual fact they just want the best for themselves. i've seen so many now. how could i ever trust any again? i do feel satisfied being single now, for a long time. right now instead of getting all excited and chills of anticipation all over at the thought of having some guy to fuss over me, i get chills of fear at the thought of getting attached again. it's no longer pink fluffy clouds... in my mind they've become the dark threatening foreboding clouds...

That's downright depressing lah.

Maybe i just haven't met the right one yet. the one who could make me hear a click in my heart, the one who could make me feel completely safe & secure & trusting... the one who could make me feel so comfy like my big pillow and dearie bear...

I think i seek security in a man. big-time.

Ha maybe that's why i never liked those pretty boys like beckham. or toro. haha...

So fish you did figure out that i was kidding about the angmo cute guys from las vegas did you? =P but no kidding about runners in singlets(*pukes), man.

worst off

2005-05-04T00:20:00.000+08:00

I realize a lot of people visit my blog on weekends or public holidays when they get pretty bored outta their skulls. haha... UNBLOCK me from msn!!!

What i bought today with Marie:
1) shoes from charles and keith (15% off)
2) black top from 37 degress (40% off)
3) slippers from j8 (dunno how much off but cheaper since we each bought a pair)
4) eyelash crimp from heeren (20% off)
5) 'Pride' vcd from ts ( no off)

What i ate:
1) waffle ice-cream from gelare ( 50% off excluding the ice-cream & the chocolate sauce)
2) baked rice from swensons ( no off)

Do i look like i'm damn rich? as though my daddy gives me $100 dollars everyday cos that's less than how much i spent today. the truth is i'm just beginning find more similarities between me and the annoying shopaholic. once i start spending money i can't stop. can't resist discounts. next time i shall forget to bring my wallet too cos it's a good way to curb spending.

**********

Boasting has always been a way of life since... life started. in the past people like to boast about how good their lives are compared to XX. how smarter (mine's-an-engineer-her's-a-taxi driver) their sons are. how bigger their kitchens are. but in recent times, boasting about how worse off yourself is, has been officially in vouge.

"You know i got cca till very late yesterday? i never do my maths econs chem plus gp homework? i never study for my test only read one page? i didn't do 5 questions for my test? i'm sooo gonna fail? the teacher hates me? I'M WORSE THEN YOU!"

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. i do that a lot too so i'm just bitching about myself now. no offense if you think this describes you.

SO why do people like to compare how worse off themselves are? do they actually feel better knowing that they are the WORST? here are the following reasons which sounds pretty understandable.

1) when you tell people that you are in a very bad situation, they wouldn't have much expectations in you. so when you really performed badly, it's expected. no sniggers nor snide remarks. they might even sympathize you. afterall she had cca till very late you know.

2) on the other hand if you had done much better than expected, people might applaud you. wow she had cca till very late leh still can do so well.

3) or it could just be your own expectations. you get less disappointed when you didn't expect much in the first place.

4) so it all probably just boils down to saving face. if i don't do well it's cos i had cca till very late. not cos i'm stupid. i'm actually very smart. stupid cca.

Give me more time i might be able to come up with more reasons. it's something too profound to describe in logical terms. but take note that boasting about how worse my situation is compared to yours, is definitely not equals to whining. the simple motive behind whining is to vent.

Even so, i still feel good knowing that i'm living much better than a lot of people i know. even though i get ADD i know of people who fail their exams. even though i look too small and kiddish at least i'm not huge or look like an auntie. even though i'm not chio i'm not ugly. even though he broke my heart i realized he actually still cared enough even when he doesn't have to. see i'm still living good when i compare myself with the worst of the worst.

The absolute truth

2005-04-30T23:17:00.000+08:00

My stint at kino has finally ended... more than 3 months already... i think my colleagues all treated me like a little girl ie. i'm showered with all the care and concern heehee... very grateful for all the love.

So i'm currently jobless. except for a road show tomorrow. i need another source of INCOME soon.

I had an extremely long conversation online with some very tall person yesterday. (hehe) and it lasted till almost 6 in the morning! whee~ we were talking about relationship stuff... the difference between the mentality of females and males... how complicated...

He said this which made me feel all twisted inside: "maybe he really did love you very much. so much that he's very insecure and afraid that he'll lose you. the way you have been acting made him think that he's not good enough and he constantly feels that you're gonna leave him.he got so worried and tired already until he lost it completely."
" it's a men's pride and ego that have been preventing him from telling you certain problems he's been facing... he wouldn't bear to restrict you in anything u do... "
" you know why i understand that so well? it's cos i've been through the exact same thing."

*not exact quotes... just similar.

It could all make perfect sense to me, when i think back to the series of events. everyone's been telling me that some things may not be what they seem to be. but wilful jinling just liked to believe in negative things that seemed so true in her face then. however, they are all not important anymore, i guess... just a lesson to learn... i'm not sure if i still want to know the absolute truth anymore... =)

**********

Oh one day i was looking through my contacts, and i realized there are so many of them which perpetually remained red. never online to me. so i thought MAYBE THEY BLOCKED ME!! maybe they've had enough of crappy conversations with that super irritating and erratic jinling that they've decided to block her out for good!! so i decided maybe i should now block THEM instead. so that i could tell myself that even when they're online i wouldn't see them online so they're perpetually offline cos i've blocked them and i wouldn't know if they've blocked me! ha! does msn work like that??

slut me!

2005-04-28T22:37:00.000+08:00

I hope anonymous comes to my blog more cos she'll see how much sluttier i can get and she'll go around telling her friends: "go look at this jinling's blog man she's a slut." then a lot of people will come visit my blog and i'll have more hits and it'll spread and spread and it'll finally become a prada blog!! woo hoo~

But actually in what way am i a slut? haha i haven't been going around stealing boyfriends lately. nor any of that sort. i just got too tired and moody recently to blog an entry of high interest.

Here's a yummilicious pic from a kimura drama i've recently finished watching. ok maybe not that yummilicious.

This is sweet... i will go generate more pics soon. yummy.

Pride!

Oh anyway an update on FB. i was instructed to call her again on monday. trying to be as polite as can be, i greeted her good morning and informed her that i'm calling from kinokuniya and this was her reply:" oh i have nothing to say." *kup. ahem. thank you.

My colleague says she's behaving like an ostrich now, hiding her head when there'a a problem. actually i think she's just annoyed. probably with her stupid self. so am i. but STILL she is a customer and when a customer behaves in such a negative way it means not good. so now my manager is not happy with whoever made the decision to pester her. not me. i keep telling myself that i'm not at fault at all. but somehow... since i was the one who had been speaking to her... feeling a bit bad... but i didn't do anything wrong! heh.

sad

2005-04-24T23:44:00.000+08:00

I feel so sad. i feel like crying right now. actually i am. maybe it's pms.

I'm starting to watch another new jap drama by kimura again. 'Pride'. the theme song was nice... inspiring... i seem to be using the word 'inspiring' a lot these days. my vocab is just so limited.

"i was born to love you... with every single beat of my heart..."

saturday night

2005-04-23T20:23:00.000+08:00

Since i've written a tribute for mermaid i might as well suck up to some of my muackzilicious friends here too! heh...

Jianning: i've known jianning for the 6th year & she's one of the people who've changed the most over the years... in a good way of course haha... i've seen her transform from a quiet geeky girl to the chiobu now! we get along superbly well although our characters differ quite a lot. we can talk (& gossip) about anything under the sun, that's why we're always so thirsty. we both unknowingly touch our hair a lot. jian & i goes shopping together a lot and it's so much fun to try clothes together! hehe... jian is closer to me than a(my) sister & i love her *muackz

What Jianning says: jinling is such a spendthrift. she likes to empty her wallet everyday & i always have to lend her more to buy more impractical things. she's so chattery & clumsy. always throw my face when we go out. she even waves to the chingay floats when people are not even waving to her. weirdo.

**********
Trudi: she's not 'judy' or 'truly'. it's trudi. tru & i form a clique when we were in j2. she's sweet-looking and always have the 'flushed' kinda look. but actually she's very horny. in fact she's our 'horny club' prez. hahaha... tru is a very sweet & forgiving girl thus she always get bullied! grr. she's frequently sick & has the highest record of mcs. tru's the one who comforted me a lot through that CERTAIN tough time & i'm thoroughly grateful. i love tru too *muackz

What trudi says: jinling talks so much rubbish. just look at her blog. and she keeps saying i'm horny. i'm NOT. i just like to say horny stuff but i'm NOT horny k. jinling almost couldn't write an econs essay without looking at mine first. how could she have gotten an A. the marker screwed up lah.

**********

Brandon: He is the most eligible bachelor i know of. i think the first conversation i started with him was: "you are brandon right? my nephew's called brandon too." then he showed a face that said: "no way..." he's gonna be a pilot so maybe someday he can bring me up to the skies! yipee... bradon's supposed to be a quiet guy but he became more chatty. haha... he's smart and sensitive and has a drive in life. apparently lotsa girls fall madly for him! ha! :p this boy is always here for me. i forgot how or why we became good friends but you have no idea how glad i am that we did! =D

What Brandon says: jinling's such a whiner! whine & whine all the time! and she's damn blur lah, still gotta take care of her somemore. hahaz. she enjoys good food like me. crappy girl tokkok a lot. she goes gaga over pilots just cos of some stupid jap drama. she thinks pilots are young cool and handsome. !!! despo girl.

**********

Wansong: we once called each other 'brudders', and somehow it evolved into 'bra'. bra is very nice to talk to and hang out with. i'm very thankful for him cos i know he truly cares for me! although he indirectly caused that CERTAIN tough time but... i'm still very grateful to bra :) bra's house is very comfortable to slack in that's why i keep going to disturb him. thanks bra. you're very cool.

What Wansong says: yeah brandon i agree with you man. jinling's such a whiner. brr. and i suspect she's pyscho. she always throw tantrum at me out of nowhere. then suddenly become all good and normal again as if nothing happened liddat. xiao. and she always cry i have to comfort her. aiyo.

**********

Eunice: because classes were so boring,(esp gp) we had to entertain each other by doing things like talking crap, drawing weird cartoons to our choir songs etc. we often sing in class which actually made people think that we're noisy. pooh how unappreciative. eunice laughs HAHAHAHA super loud and high-pitch and is a good attention seeking device :p she is a fabulously fun and encouraging friend, and not to mention darn smart! she's so good in maths and chem which i suck at hehe...

What Eunice says: that girl ah, so super slack loh. and really very rubbish. she nearly couldn't finish any maths tutorial without my help. that explains why she seldom finishes any. no wonder she got D lah.

**********

Everyone says in chorus: actually we all love jinling cos she's so chio and kind. although she's very childish. but we all love jinling k, those who hurt her will regret it for life. cos she's so chio and kind can.

**********

As you can see i'm really very bored here. online on a saturaday night. it's not even late. apparently the above in italics are all fictional. hehe... sorry if i've offended any of you! :P

But note that all the above that i've written also mean a lot to me... :)

difficult me

2005-04-21T21:38:00.000+08:00

To You:

It was until recently when i had an extremely difficult conversation with a friend, that i realized how hard it must have been for you to deal with me then. it was amazing how much similarities i discovered through this conversation. it's like suddenly he's me, and i'm you. and i'm feeling exactly how you felt then.

How difficult it must be. to constantly feel that you've been misunderstood. whatever i said, he misconstrued in the most negative way. whatever i explained, he thinks they're excuses, he didn't believe in a single shit until i kept trying to explain & kept trying & kept trying until i can finally pacify him and give him a satisfied answer. i might even have to hide the truth or lie a bit to get the desired response. when everything seems fine now, something i said will spark an anger within him again and the whole thing starts from doh.

How difficult it must be. to have to be on high alert at all times and be terribly conscious of what you say to me, in fear of saying the wrong things again. like treading on dark waters. in fear that i will lash out at you again. this was exactly how i felt when talking to him. at times i'd rather just keep quiet.

How difficult it must have been for you to listen to me being so long-winded at times. i must have been just like him, sprouting out loads & loads in an attempt to explain my own stand. it must have taken up great extents of your patience. just like how it took mine when i was talking to him, yet still trying very hard to be understanding.

I admit that it had been one of my worst conversations with anybody ever. and imagine you had been taking up all these for months. it had only been a few hours for me. and i really realized... how difficult i must have made you feel all these times. it must have been awful to put up with me during that period of time. and it's only you. yet you still try.

I might get to tell you all these, possibly after 2 years, when we get to meet. or i may never see you again. perhaps it doesn't matter. because even at this moment when i realize how doggone selfish i've been behaving, i might still behave the same way even if you appear before me right now.

But what he said was true as well, in a way. he said i think everything is about me. i speak in whichever way i like. i didn't care about how others felt. call that straight-forwardness. it could actually be self-centeredness. i dunno. when i feel depressed i don't really care about how others feel, i feel selfish & disgusting but i don't care a thing cos i just wanna feel better myself. catch me on a bad patch and that's how it is. and it's when you are very very low that you discover who your true friends are. :)

Thus i could never understand why you had always wanted me to rely on myself, to stand up on my own. i could never imagine what i'm living for without my friends. i dunno why i still cherished a hope that you are one of them. cos i'll merely continue to make your life difficult and it's definitely not worth it.

This is a chim article which i'm the only reader who would understand haha... boohoo my prada blog is spoilt. i'm depressed.

FB

2005-04-20T21:16:00.000+08:00

Lazy stupid jinling decided to cut and paste her screenshot on her blog yesterday which apparently wouldn't work. duh like what's a photo host for. so when she decided to do another screenshot she discovered that marie has actually updated her tribute! so it's like posting a future entry on a past post. :S anyhow, the screenshot became so small now no one can read marie's description of how great jinling is. therefore please click on marie's link on the left lol...

***************

I met another Freakin' Bitch at work today and i shall call her FB for short. as usual, such FBs like her doesn't have adequate intelligence to produce a proper bankable cheque. worse, she recently sent over a SECOND unbankable cheque. i can only pity her for such unintelligent women seldom appear locally. and thus begins my arduous task of calling...

1st call

Me: Goodmorningalltheintroandusualtalk... would you like to drop another cheque over?
FB: oh i'm really very busy. could you just try to bank it in?
Me: your cheque would likely be rejected and if it happens you'll have to pay an admin fee.
FB(irritated): oh i dunno... could you decide for me...
Me(what the hell): erm...
FB: i dunno when i'll be free to go to the store ok i'm really very busy i'll go when i'm free alrightyakyakyak...
Me: ok then do drop us a call when u decide to come by blah thankyoubye

2nd call

Me: hi it's me again.
FB: what do you want??!
Me(you owe me $$): well i understand that you are very busy, so for your convenience we could actually send a dispatch over to collect payment from you-
FB: *KUP

Then FB hung up on me!! (in case if you dunno, this is what i hate the most. if you are a good friend of mine DON'T ever try to do that.) that no-good bitch! owe money pay money OK!!! jiang hu's basic rules!

3rd call (almost immediately)

Me: hello may i speak to Ms. FB?
A giggley auntie: *giggles wait a moment...
(after 3 mins)
A giggley auntie: she's gone home already. *giggles
Me: oh. is it convenient for you to give me her home number?
A giggley auntie: *giggles er wait a moment.
(after 2 mins)
A giggley auntie: *giggles mumblegrumblerumblesorry*giggles *KUP

How about that? small little pathetic me was left to the empty *doo. doo. doo. tone of the phone while wondering what i should have been doing instead of trying to chase after that miserable $21 here. i feel like an Ah Long. (ie loanshark lah) but fortunately, this only comprises a small component of my job at kino.

So what do i do about FB now? i can void her card and bar her perpetually from all our wonderful priviledges. then i will get fired. haha... so now we shall just wait around and see what FB wants. *shrugs. no stress. i owe no money. i'm gonna leave soon (end of april). my life is difficult enough i don't need such unintelligent FB to mess it up further.

Mermaid!

2005-04-19T21:47:00.000+08:00

That's what mermaid wrote about me in her blog!! i didn't know i was THAT good a person!! hahaha... seriously. yipee!! at least i know i mean a lot to someone in this world!!!

Mermaid rawks too therefore i'm gonna write about her as well! :)

Mermaid & i both live in the sea.
Mermaid & i got to know each other in sec 3. (when she was known as marie back then) the original bozo back then put us together as PARTNERS. i wasn't really into talking to that marie then cos i didn't know her well but chatty her just kept talking non-stop. after a while i started to reveal my wacky weird antics, she suddenly realized that hey we're actually one of a kind! cool! some of the best times in cedar were when we slack in lessons together talking crap/thinking up funny nicknames/ languages/ secret codes/ drawings etc. Marie puts up with all my childish crap with incredibly high level of tolerence too! i can talk all the irritating rubbish and whine and whine all day and she never gets annoyed or try to change the subject like most people do.

All in all mermaid's greatly superby wonderful what will i do without mermaid??

***************

I promised myself that i wouldn't buy anything else for the next 2 weeks cos of that lil' shopping trip in far east. HOWEVER, i bought another top at topshop yesterday!! i couldn't help it!! it was sweet (though jian says she doesn't like it cos it covers your figure & makes you look fat), bright green (though kinda too bright). hey but it's only at a super affordable $19! good bargain. sheesh i'm becoming like the spoilt shopaholic in that book. Jian must be thinking this: i told her she's not supposed to spend for some time look at what she's doing now. and pretending not to hear me! wait till she has no money left. see if i will lend her!

The above in italic is purely fictional.

Ok NOW i promise again that i will not spend anymore.

SHOPPING whee

2005-04-18T00:03:00.000+08:00

I had a marvellous increase in contact with the activity called SHOPPING recently.

Firstly i bought this book 'Shopaholic & Sister' from a book fair at Lucky Plaza which cost like $6!?! hehe.. the shopaholic inside was freeakin' irritatin. but more on that later. anyway she's rich & spoilt & brainless but she's like got loads of money & buys all sorts of things. she has inspired me... to be rich. (hence the amazing money-churning scheme ;P)

And on saturday when i was out to dinner with bra, we saw candice & vejoy in NYDC! =D so 2 of us proceeded to cut the queue and 4 of us sat down together at a crappy little table. which made the waitress 'am chio' whenever she passed us. ANYWAY. they each bought $100plus worth of clothes at Mango to get the priviledge card. fine. on our way out they decided to walk into Topshop to purchase another $150 worth of stuff and got yet another priviledge card. i'm seriously impressed. this is REAL shopping man. those are REAL shoppers. i'm yet again inspired.

On sunday jian & i went far east. and when we go far east it nearly almost mean we'll spend a lot of money cos we have the impression that the clothes there are reasonably priced. (which [be warned] could be a sadly misled myth.) so we could buy a lot. although a top from Forever21 might price the same but you know we wrinkle our noses and stuff.

Yeah anyway i spent quite a lot of money which i don't feel like calculating about how much. the best thing (and most non-cheap) i've bought was a nice skirt. the kind you'd wear to bintan for a holiday. see but since i don't have a camera i shall draw it out for you. it's totally brilliant, the skirt.

Here it is.

Isn't it great? it actually has lil' prints and glittery threads but i couldn't manage to draw those details. this would do.

These are the pics we took in the Wheelock toilet.

I'm actually NOT trying to be funny. it just turned out funny. check out that hot butt in the background.

And this. better.

mIRC

2005-04-15T22:40:00.000+08:00

Today i got so bored that at roughly 8pm plus i downloaded the once-so-popular mIRC. haven't been in there for like 4 years. wanted to check it out and feel how i felt back then when i was 13. IRC didn't change at all just that i realized i've grown up!! haha!

People still talk about the same old things. like intro? i'm 18f. what's your name? where you live? ht/wt? got pic? wanna meet up?

wanna have sex?

I was puzzled at first. back then people who used to say such things are like 18 or 19m. now people who say such stuff are like 23m. then i realized oh they are the same people!! they've aged!! haha... of course. silly me. i'm 18f now not 14f.

SO. my point is. wow. i realized that such things seem so crappy now that i'm 18f. i used to be so addicted to it when i was 14f. i stayed back in school to use their computers to chat. i stayed back till 5pm. i sneaked around to make sure those cheesy com techs don't see me. i hunt around the school to look for a suitable com. what was i thinking? god.

And here is a list of the most ridiculous thing i've requested people to do but they (obviously) won't do it. it's just too ridiculous you see.

1) asked huatz to kiss the sony poster girl on the train. i mean look at her she's just so kissable.
2) asked my sis to lend me $!.
3) asked SBS to make the bus 72 more frequent since so many ajcians (me) take it. at least gimme 5 mins not 15.
4) asked huatz to be a good friend.
5) asked wangba to stop making his water so dirty cos i gotta clean it frequently.

See? they are all so ridiculous right. tsk what was i thinking. ok maybe 1) & 5) could be understandable. but the rest??? did i think they'd really do it? come on man. kidding.

inspired

2005-04-14T23:18:00.000+08:00

I read this yanyan girl's blog yesterday and suddenly got inspired. *ding! i wanna make my blog a celebrity blog too!! see this. if i manage to get 3000 hits everyday just like her, (she's getting about 8000 after she won an award by the way. i think.) i could probably get prada to put an ad on my blog!! isn't that just so exciting??? the thought of it just make me sweat all over. woohoo. i could be filthy rich just by typing crap! (like her) not that i buy prada. prada just sounds cool you know the first name that pops up in my mind. probably cos i see prada everyday in taka. i've got potential. i may not be as pretty as her but i'm bitchy yeah. (like her)

OK so i've got to put this amazing money-churning plan into action.

first up
1) i gotta design my own blog. i can't keep using other people's design (although i do a lot of 'alterations' by cutting & pasting codes) HOW?? i dunno how to do man. i dunno even know how to use photoshop. *stumped. ok nevermind let's move on first k...

2) take a lot of pictures to showcase my wonderful life. but i don't have a camera yet. YET.

3) improve my lousy english. my spelling sucks. i can read more BOOKS. no problem.

4) be less boring and start blogging more interesting things. pour more wit inside my brain. ahh not to mention knowledge of course. how to make my life more interesting neh?? hmmms... imagination is the key...

5) tell all my friends about my blog and make them tell everyone they know. have a promotion. like for every 50 visits you get a snicker bar. in no time i'll get 3000 hits. or even 4000!! 5000!!! 8000!!!! 1000000000!!!!!!

See me now. i'm gonna be rich.

P.S. if any of you out there reading my blog are keen to help me realize my aspiration please do contact me. ie TAG. it'll be greatly appreciated. you will be remembered if.. i mean WHEN i'm rich. thank you.*takes a deep bow.

what, you bitch

2005-04-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

Recently discovered this amazing truth about wangba: he loves to sun bathe. is this something all terapins love? in the morning when the sunlight pours in he'll crawl towards the sunny side, stand on his 2 muscular legs and lean against the wall of the tank, stretching his neck. doesn't he know that the UV rays will cause his skin to age faster? what's so enjoyable about sun tanning. why does he like to sun tan when he could roll around in those pebbles i arranged for him. so now i can't shut my windows in the morning when i go out so as to allow some sunlight to stream in for him.

It often amuses me to be contantly reminded that the most difficult people on earth are the highly-educated Singaporeans. you know what i'm talking about if you've been in customer service before.

You know it's bad enough that you simply can't follow instructions. let's say you've made some error on your cheque which would cause it to be unbankable. naturally i gotta call you to inform you and for you to amend your mistake.

If you are a foreigner this is what you'll usually say: "oh i'm so sorry for your inconvenience. thanks for your trouble!"

If you are an averagely-educated Singaporean this is what you'll usually say: "ya ok.. thanks."

If you are a highly-eduacated Singaporean this is what you might say: "oh you have no idea how much inconvenience it'll cause me! can you just call up the bank to check if my cheque can be banked in?? it's just a phone call you know??"
Me: "well i'm so sorry that your stupidity has caused you so much inconvenience ma'am. if this kinda cheque can be banked in i won't be wasting my time & saliva talking to you and putting up with your shit right now. bitch."

Of course i didn't say that.

Why do they think that they're always right? Sad cases, them. i'm sure they weren't like that when they were kids. I have to constantly remind myself not to be such people now. tsk.

Thief Steals Poop From Woman Walking Dog

2005-04-11T23:06:00.000+08:00

March 30

SAN DIEGO - The hunt is on for a turd burglar. Police in San Diego are searching for a gunman who swiped a bag of poop from a woman out walking her dog.

The woman told police that she was out walking her dog, Misty, on Monday night when a man in his 20s ran up behind her and grabbed the bag she was holding.

When the gunman discovered what was in it, he threw it down in disgust, pointed his gun at the 32-year-old woman and demanded money, San Diego police detective Gary Hassen said.

He then aimed his .22-caliber semiautomatic at Misty and pulled the trigger twice but the gun didn't fire, Hassen said.

The robber ran to a waiting small, silver car and fled the scene, police said.

Good luck!!

2005-04-10T21:17:00.000+08:00

Haven't been watching japanese dramas for years. NOW i really like takuya kimura. haha kinda slow. i liked 'long vacation' but i wasn't really hooked onto him. guess he looks better older and with short hair. looks more boyish. and cute! and irresistable! and mesmerising! and so on. actually 'good luck!!' doesnt have much of a story. it just revolves around the cabin crew's way of life, until at the last 3 episodes when shinkai (kimura) fell and injured his leg, shattering his dream of being a pilot. pilots. they look so damn cool in that show.

"Ready for take-off."

I know why i like japanese dramas so much, much more than korean dramas. it's cos they're mostly so idealistic.

I get very nervous whenever i'm on a plane, without fail. next time i can imagine shinkai hajime as the captain. hee...

Oh by the way why must he say "good luck" in his announcement to the passengers before take-off? isn't it like predicting danger already? i'll feel uneasy. why should i have good luck to be on your plane? why is the show named 'good luck'? :S

I think my entry about flings has caused a sort of a disturbance to bra. haha... oh well. you know. life. i gotta protect myself. shield. no one else will look out for me except myself.

woopie do

2005-04-08T23:43:00.000+08:00

Huatz is finally off to the army! woopie do. there's no other person who could make me look down on myself so much. bah. you cheater. you win. stay safe & happy! like you'll see this.

I am currently contemplating having like flings instead of a serious relationship now. see think about it, not many people take relationships seriously. how many people around my age actually do intend for their relationships to last? *counting... not many. i guess it's for the fun... to make life more interesting. to have a life! yes. i shall join the crowd. no more heartaches.

Wangba

2005-04-05T21:07:00.000+08:00

Reading my past entries, i realized that i've unknowingly committed tons of grammatical as well as spelling mistakes. ha! like, why did i say 'what come around goes around.' should be 'what goes around comes around' right? :s or is it the same...

Okies so here's my biography of my pet terapin Wangba. it's gonna be real boring but here goes:

How i got started: One fine day in school i accidentally heard Xingni & Meijuan discussing about their terapin Malcolm. It plays 'splashies' in its tank, break-dances , runs marathons etcetc i was enchanted by their stories... so cute!!! awww... so on an impulse i ran to huatz and announced that i want a terapin too. boy do i sound like a kid.

The purchase: Thus on our way to Kovan where there should sell terapins i start to get indecisive again( like what's new). after all the hesitations & tuggings & 'keshikeshihors' he finally said 'no more ke shis' and went ahead. okies. we saw some soft shell turtles which looked totally gross and expensive. we saw normal terapins. 2 of 'em. 1 was dying on a rock the other was frantically swimming upwards 2 greet us. obviously we chose the more courteous one. i didn't think of asking about its gender nor the feeding instructions. was just thinking of how much fun i'm gonna have with it.

Statistics: So my baby terapin (about the size of my lil' finger) was dropped & packaged in a ballooned plastic bag. i forgot how much it costs. i forgot what date it was. i'm a lousy owner. i did not know how much of the food pellet thing i was supposed to feed. just agar.

The naming: my terapin have to have a name. i haven't known many terapins, only xingni's malcolm & suwen's toot toot. i have no idea what would make a good terapin name. i almost decided to name it chengfa (which i fortunately didn't). so huatz being a usual lamer here suggested wangba. the full name being wu gui wangba. he didn't think i'd actually adopt that name. i like being unpredictable. since wangba is a guy's name i decided then that it's male. yup.

Home sweet home: on our way home we actually stopped by at the swings, until we decided wangba's balloon of oxygen is running out. home sweet home to it's first dwelling of a plastic container until i get a tank loan from him. Wangba now dwells in his third home the medium tank.

So i guess it's been almost a year... or somewhere there... happy 1st birthday Wangba!! *clapclapclap * whistles * throws confetti *cheers i love you. thanks for all the beautiful memories!

Yeah this is a lousy biography. i can't remember most details nor his vital stats. bleh whatever.

gee

2005-04-04T23:52:00.000+08:00

Gee i really hate to talk to him sometimes... to see his reply that shows that he doesn't care... oh well maybe i'm not used to it yet. it's been a few weeks only anyway. i WILL adapt. we won't be talking much anyway.

Hmms according to Cheeguan, choir's in quite a mess now. hmms... i don't really have anything to comment lol... good luck...

Brandon's gonna jump off a plane soon. that's fun.

I think that my Wangba may be one year old already... time flies... i shall do a biography for him tomorrow if i feel like it. =)

I love my Wangba cos i can look at him all day and talk to him and he won't hurt me.

girl next door

2005-04-03T21:49:00.000+08:00

You Are the Girl Next Door!

You're caring, warm, and the girl that nice guys want to marry.
Uncomplicated and simple, you've got an easy going attitude guys love.
But this doesn't mean you're dull - far from it!
You're a great conversationalist, and you're an expert at living the good life.

What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Found this test on weini's blog & even had the same outcome... haha... we are both sweet lil' girls..!!?? hehe

Had my 2nd dance class yesterday, then went with fish lyn & gao to marche for dinner. it's good to know that some of the things in life hasn't changed. at least not our close friendship, after being almost outta touch which each other for 2 years. =)

And i bought new shades... first pair of my life. cos i wanna look like a poser. yeap. i spent sucha long time digging for coins that the man gave me $2 discount. putting on the shades make me feel kinda dizzy. but it's ok cos it's cheap and i won't be posing for the whole day anyway.

My section chief lent me her vcds of the japanese serial 'Good Luck'. I've watched 2 episodes & it's good! funny. actually has deep meanings. worth watching. i like kimura.

stubborness

2005-04-02T00:15:00.000+08:00

Went with Eunice to her cell group's food fair today, which i didn't eat any food... haha.. well my main purpose was just to go see see look look and occupy my mind with some things...

And we talked a lot... she & i.. talked about the past... how good it used to be... talked about now... how saddening... how things are always not like what they seem to be... it's pretty depressing. or perhaps it's just the way that we perceive some things. i dunno... growing up is incredibly complicated.

Maybe she's right to say that i'm thinking too much... maybe i HAVE assumed too many things, which seemed so right to me then. due to the nature of me being so stubborn all the time. the nature of me being forever distrustful & suspicious of a person who has let me down before. the nature of me always wanting to do things in the RIGHT way. the PERFECT way. the way that i always think i'm right. then when something goes wrong i'll start to bang my head against the wall and feel that it's all my fault.

Maybe it's just being Virgo. it's highly stressful.

I'm sorry that my recent entries are all kinda depressing. this is what you call getting disillusioned with people, with life. i'll try to blog something more cheerful next time.

birthday

2005-03-31T23:02:00.000+08:00

Today's brandon chen junhao's birthday!! happy birthday to yooooooo~~ may you have all happy & joyous days ahead =D 19 sounds like damn old hehe... it's been... your 3rd birthday since we knew each other? heehee...

I think i felt a lil' better today. not that much pukey till at night. i wonder how long will this pukiness feeling last. anyway... today... thought of something that happened to me in the recent past...

A reaccount of the past:

girl A meets boy B again after so many years. girl A & boy B became really good friends. girl A appeared just right at the time when boy B felt his lowest. girl A feels that boy B is a good friend here to stay. she's often amazed by how boy B understands her feelings & personality so well... more than she herself does.

boy B starts to kinda like girl A. girl A thinks they get along great... but not quite there yet. girl A then falls for boy Y. girl A realizes and was sorry that she's begginning to neglect boy B but doesn't want boy Y to worry about her being too close with boy B.

boy B went on to find another girl Z whom he likes. girl A & boy Y broke up. girl A is heartbroken. after some time boy B sms-ed girl A that he broke up with girl Z cos he still have feelings for girl A. girl A was shocked, & rejected him. the next day boy B says that those smses were sent by girl Z just to test whether girl A will snatch boy B away from her. girl A was utterly disheartened. she felt that boy B has completely betrayed their friendship. girl A doesn't blame girl Z. she just blames boy B.

after some time girl A felt better & wants to forgive boy B. boy B says girl Z will mind that they still keep in contact, and that they have to do so secretly. girl A didn't want to affect boy B & girl Z's relationship. she doesn't want boy B to be in a difficult position thus decided to throw in their friendship.

What comes around goes around. only that it'll come back to hit you harder. i guess this is what you call retribution. i was getting mine then, and i'm getting mine AGAIN now. i actually remembered your bdae BAG, just that... felt that our friendship has already changed. no longer like before. it's kinda weird. i'm sorry that i didnt even wish you happy birthday. happy belated birthday now, if you actually do read my blog. i'm sorry.

Thus i'm reflecting on my life these past few days. the above event is pretty significant to me, BAG probably doesn't realize. sometimes i just wonder... how many true friends do i really have?? how important am i really to these so-called friends?? is everything good & nice in the world just a facade? like huatz said, you just have to accept certain things when they turn out to be unexpected. i accepted. while learning more lessons in life.

I wished i didn't have soul.

my pukiness

2005-03-31T00:05:00.000+08:00

In case if anyone thinks i'm going cuckoo psychologically breaking down all my symptoms of pukiness giddiness etc are signs of me breaking down i'm telling you i really don't feel well. physically. haha... really!! i really feel pukey!! i almost puked at work yesterday. i wished i had puked so that those people will feel bad about not giving me the day off to rest. i AM ill. looking forward to the weekend.

blogger

2005-03-30T23:43:00.000+08:00

This entry is a tribute to blogger.

You have changed our lives. little people like us. you provide us a sanctuary for ranting... and when the time has come for us to begin to need you on a regular basis you fail us. all the frustrations. the disappointment. the tears. the " oh F*** it!"s. that's why they have things like hello.com now. it's meant to cover your ass in my opinion. an alternate route for us desperados.

I thought i had a lot to blog today but the logging in to blogger part had worn me out.

Today's mood: not any better. sighs. oh i forgot to add one thing to my list of feelings the other day.
7) i can't seem to breathe well these days. like something obstructing my breathing passage. my lungs feel heavy. i AM going to die soon.

I need a doctor.

pukey

2005-03-29T21:44:00.000+08:00

I've been feeling pukey for quite some time. yesterday i felt kinda giddy, and suddenly i felt my chair rocked. me: oh my god i'm going to faint!! i've never been this dizzy before... till i can feel the floor swaying. *freaking out

Turned out that i was just feeling the effects of the earthquake. i felt an earthquake! how cool. at least i wasn't really fainting.

This is how i've been feeling for the past few days:
1) pukey
2) loss of appetitte
3) zombified
4) giddygiddy
5) my life is going to end soon
6) no matter what i tell you it doesn't really matter cos i feel that you also don't really care. then why do i bother saying? i just say for the sake of saying loh. at least can say out how i feel. teehee. you won't even read my blog. i bet you can't even remember the address. this is good ranting.

I realized i haven't had a moment of peace for such a long time. conflicts & conflicts... either inner or outer... have really put a huge strain on me... i feel so burdened... like i'm old already... i've really had enough of this.

S-T-O-P

No matter whether i'm up or down or happy or miserable it doesn't matter anymore. to you i'll always try to show my cheerfulness. i hope i can do this. i just want you to be happy =)

friends

2005-03-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

When the going gets tough, certain good friends makes the tough get going. and i'm very glad for them. =)

bra: don't cry le lah cry le also no one know.
me: i know loh. you know.
bra: wah then you cry for me to see ah. cannot liddat.
me: i cry is not for people to know one wat. hee. who will care. he also won't care. no one cares.
bra: the one who cares is here loh.

Thanx bra for caring =D

me: i'm a selfish girl.
mer: who says you are! i wanna scold that person.
mer: rah!

don: you can sms me anytime you want. i'll try to help you.

Hmms huatz also said something like i'll try to help you with your problems, can always approach me... there are just some people that i wouldn't like to impose on. but ironically while i don't want to impose on him i feel that i always do. that's why i feel so bad. what to do. stop everything stop everything stop everything. only when i stop contacting you then i won't be imposing on you right. but you can impose on me though. hmmm. why am i so difficult. why can't i just decide on something and just hold on to it.

S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D

stinky sneakers

2005-03-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

Vt. Boy's Sneakers Named Smelliest in U.S.

MONTPELIER, Vt. - There wasn't much left of the sneakers Noah Nielsen entered into the contest Tuesday, but it was the stench that earned him the top prize.

Nielsen, 10, beat six other contestants from around the country in the 30th annual national rotten sneaker contest.

The secret of his success? "No socks, ever."

"The stank was from rubbing my toes back and forth and making them sweaty," said Nielsen, with his trophy in hand and two golden sneakers hanging from his neck.

Nielsen said he also played soccer and baseball in the three-year-old Adidas patched together with duck tape. The wide gaps in the shoes revealed grimy toes and emitted a pungent odor that drove one judge to gag, another to take a step back and a dog to roll on top of the sneakers.

"Human feet shouldn't smell that bad," said judge Bill Fraser, Montpelier city manager.

Nielsen is a veteran of the competition. Last year he was a runner-up in the state event.

In the week leading up to this year's contest, he refused to take a bath. When his parents insisted, they found him with his feet hanging out of the tub, his father Peter Nielsen said.

His parents wouldn't allow him to wear the sneakers to school, so he put them on in the morning and at night. Noah Nielsen even wore them to bed Monday night, said his sister, Izabel, 13.

As the winner, he was awarded a $500 savings bond, a $100 check for new sneakers and a supply of Odor-Eaters products.

The other young contestants came from as far away as Alaska, Texas, Washington and Utah to compete in the event, which is sponsored by Odor-Eaters.

They each competed in state competitions to make it to Montpelier.

The contest began in 1975 as a way to help a local sporting goods store sell shoes. In 1988, Odor-Eaters — maker of anti-foot-odor insoles, sprays and powder — assumed sponsorship of the event.

The four judges, including an odor expert from NASA and a black Labrador retriever, ranked the sneakers for their soles, heals, toes, laces and odor.

Kylan Dinkel, 10, from Wasilla, Alaska, said she played soccer in her muddy laceless sneakers for four years.

Jake Nelson, 10, of Lehi, Utah, dragged his behind his scooter. "He just doesn't like to wear socks," his father Steve Nelson said.

But it was Nielsen's that stood out. "I didn't like that," Bill Aldrich of NASA said after he took a sniff.

"I'll just take a step back," said judge Martha Tucker. "Those are impressive."

Me: this was taken from yahoo!news. it makes me wonder why we only have competitions like maths olympiad here. i've decided that when i feel like blogging but have nothing interesting to blog about i shall paste this kinda wacky news for leisure reading.

PMS

2005-03-22T22:32:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling so pmsy recently. i get irritated so irritated VERY irritated at just the sliiiightest thing. and all i ever seem to do is to complain & complain & whine & whine like what i'm doing now. i feel so ranty all my grouses are filling up burning up inside me and there's no one i can complain to other than you mr. blog. i'm sure all my friends are sick of my sucky attitude & can't be bothered to try and say nice things anymore. when i'm sad i hug my dearie bear. shucks. what a loser.

I forgot to go to work on saturday. seriously. just when my section chief wants me to stay on so badly that they're considering increasing my pay... maybe they've changed their minds. i need more money maybe i shall go teach tuition. ok enough of the rantings for today. till then.

FIghter

2005-03-18T22:16:00.000+08:00

Haha thanks mer :D i'm fine actually. see i'm christina aguilera. i'm a FIGHTER !! Cause if it wasn't for all I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through So I wanna say thank you
Cause it Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter.

Uh uh ooohhh.... yeah yeah yeah... ah ha! obviously i'm exaggerating. hahaha... nice song... *nods to the beat

why

2005-03-16T23:06:00.000+08:00

Did i say i take the train every weekend in my last entry? i meant every weekday. and people only crowd around at the 1st door at little india station, not at all doors. (for jianning) Please take note.

My life is such a bore. not to mention a disappointment. but i guess it's that same old phrase again... it goes on. no matter what. it's a real fortunate thing that as one grows up you tend to feel more indifferent about things, because there are simply too many things for you to take care of and if you see everything as being so important you're gonna collaspe in fatigue. mentally. and so the point is you gotta be selective in the things that you'd wanna feel important about, like family, health, blah... don't take things too hard if you find yourself being made a fool of now and then, believing in things that people make you believe then suddenly huh! gotcha! you know it's part and parcel of life. it's really ok. i totally understand that cos you wanna trust him that's why you got gotchad. but if you got gotchad multiple times by different people, it's kinda bad. by the same person... you're kinda stupid. you know you gotta learn faster to be stronger & smarter & wiser & thicker-skinned. like me you know i'm trying very hard. it's no longer a good thing to be thinking too positively sometimes. the shield around me is getting thicker. WHY. i'm sorry that all i wanna do is try to make things better. i'm sorry that i'm so selfish i really wanna make myself feel better. this doesn't make sense. i dunno why i always feel so sorry. like, sorry for existing.

Morning in an MRT

2005-03-10T22:40:00.001+08:00

Marie asked me to blog this down cos it's too funny... =D

I realized people are at their worst on morning MRTs... especially WOMEN.

The funniest thing i've ever encountered on trains is this: taking the NEL every weekend morning, it's always damn crowded and 80% of the people alight at douby ghaut station. i'm telling you that the most popular door to alight from is actually the first door not the middle ones. reason being it's the nearest to the lift for HANDICAP people and these perfectly normal people (mostly women) get up from their seats at little india station to gather at the door. when the door opens at douby ghaut they'll run (yes run) as fast as their click cloks can carry them to again, gather in front of the lift so that they don't have to strain their legs walking to the escalator to let it carry them up. brilliant people. talk about being kiasu. it's truly a funny sight.

And of course there are other atrocities like pushing others outta the way & stepping on toes in fear of not being able to board/alight the train in time. this morning some bald middle age guy mumbled "kewme kewme" pushing shoulders & stepping on my entire feet to finally find his way out. well 'scuse us for being in the way, we should have laid a red carpet for you.

It'll take me way too long to list down every single eye-rolling event but try taking the MRT in the morning when people are going to work, it's worth the experience. i'm still not quite used to it yet. people on buses are usually more civilised.

i take the stairs by the way.

i can make it

2005-03-02T22:41:00.000+08:00

Check this out:(when you're bored)

http://www.wagenschenke.ch/

Try to keep the drunken man walking straight by moving your mouse left & right. heard that the record distance that the man walked was 84m... ha! it's made even more difficult that you can't see your mouse. the site is in german but you juzt have to click on the START! Cute lil' game that can occupy you for minutes.

Results out in 2 days. pooh! i can make it i can make it... must tell myself that while i still can. i promise not to say this anymore in further entries cos it'll either be i have made it or i'm a piece of shit. so i should say more now to make my money worth. i can make it i can make it i can make it i can make it i can make it i can make it i can make it i can make it...

i knew i came cheap

2005-02-27T13:38:00.000+08:00

I am worth $1,963,210.00 on HumanForSale.com

I knew i came cheap.

bo liao day

2005-02-27T01:37:00.000+08:00

Supposed to have gathering at fish's house today... but ended up only left jian & i eager to go... so we ended up being not so eager anymore, and went walking around town(again) instead. and we took these pics. with jian's shaky hands they're already very blur. with my blog's 'special fuzzy effects' they look like pics of the unexplainable mysterious creatures. ah well... but actually it'll look much clearer if viewed in some other brower except microsoft explorer.

Here's us on the train...

This pic was actually secretly taken by some handsome foreign stranger who thought we were so beautiful that he couldn't resist taking a shot for keepsake. however we managed to steal it back. *snorts

Please give up your pole for the needy

2005-02-25T22:26:00.000+08:00

I've given up seats on the train before but this is the first time i gave up a pole. it involves a shameless man & a shameless girl.

It happened today after work. as usual the train was packed so there's absolutely no chance that people from douby gaut can get a seat, so the best alternative for most people was to fight for a pole to lean on. shamelessly, i was one of those people today... leaning on a pole meant for 10 hands to hold on to. well anyway... shameless man boarded the train a few stops after, and starting to grab at MY pole. obviously since i'm leaning against MY pole, his hands had to 'accidentally' touch my 'not-so-unsensitive' bodily part. obviously i had move away from MY pole. made it more convenient for shameless man to grab onto MY pole... then lean onto it comfortably, while i'm left standing alone with no support(pole). *gasp. devious. what a scheming man.

I gave up my pole on the train today. slightly irritated. mildly amused.

MyMelody

2005-02-24T21:31:00.000+08:00

Findings of the week: 1) the cheese in mac's fillet-o-fish is being reduced to half a
piece of cheese.
2) the chinese new year fa gao in my office has become
home to about 7 species(I've counted) of mould...
very colourful... fascinating.
3) the sweetest cutest MyMelody soft toy at Wheelock!!
haha... awwww... saw it yesterday with jian after
work... it's so sweeeeeeeet... arghhh... last one in
stock!! but I gotta control myself... cannot splurge all
my money away!!! *sobs... my mymelody... ='(
I want... haiz... so depressing...

I've decided to change my blog music regularly now hee so any visitors please switch on your speakers LOUD enough in order to appreciate it... =p

Jian i don't like pretty boys... hahaha... so if I like anyone it shows that he's not a pretty boy. good thing too so that we both will never like a same guy!

me

2005-02-17T23:30:00.000+08:00

I'm about to go to sleep now but just thought of blogging my boring blog for a while to make it less boring but with more boring entries like this it could possibly make it more boring instead but it's ok cos it reflects my boring life which is the sole purpose of a boring blog.

I really actually can't think of much to blog about. i really actually got a lot of things on my mind which i dunno how to express & find no point in explaining too clearly. i'm like living among the clouds, i can't see things clearly. i feel like a confused cloudy twisted scrunched-up... thing. what is it that i'm so bothered about? i think about it all the time now. i think about it so much that i get tired and want to stop thinking altogether. i'm not really sure of what i want, sorry if my behaviour seems kinda inconsistant. or maybe it's cos i have funny mood swings. see wat i mean. confused twisted. i'm going crazy. i can't seem to pick myself up. i dun wanna sound like i'm whining again. someone please kick me.

I remembered minghui once said that jinling is not an untalkative girl. but jinling seldom talks a lot now i guess. except with certain friends at particular cheerful sessions when she feels comfortable. jinling seems like she can still talk & laugh but she never feel chatty anymore. whywhy?

I never meant to be annoying or hurt you in any way. i know i can't expect you to be so understanding all the time. i'm sorry everytime when it's my fault but i feel like it's my fault all the time. maybe i feel better blaming myself than to blame you. i'm so tired of explanations.

hot

2005-02-14T17:27:00.000+08:00

Marie says it's the hottest weather ever in 15 years. ha... i'm not sure about that but it sure is hot. whew. i'm feeling very dizzy these days... maybe cos of all those heaty new year goodies plus hot weather plus staying up late 'doing something'... haha... please don't say that you don't deserve it... i know you'll cherish it so it's worth =)

Yumyum baking cookies & brownies is nice... although we produced one whole batch of charcoal black cookies =P we still had quite a lot left... my first attempt in bakery! not bad an experience =D i shall bake more next time...

xin nian kuai le~

2005-02-11T20:53:00.000+08:00

Seems like most people think that this lunar new year doesn't have much festive feelings to it... well... i feel so too... maybe cos the lack of school life contributes to the lack of enthusiasm for festivals? ha.. i have no idea, just a suggestion.

Lunar new year for our family is definitely more simple this year. simpler decorations. simpler renunion dinner. simpler clothes. somehow the older i get the less exciting is chinese new year to me. i used to get very excited when new year is near. used to fuss & wanna play a part in the purchase of new year goodies, now i don't even know what we have. the tradition of wearing NEW clothes & shoes used to be sacred. now i don't really mind wearing old stuff. guess that's part of growing up, you get more indifferent about simple things... i don't wanna grow up.. =P

Oh but i'm still pretty excited about the good food part. *slurps.. i hereby officially declare that my favourite chinese new year goody is...... pineapple tarts!! for now. after angbaos of course.

I can whine as much as i want!!! *grins

happy chinese new year~

2005-02-08T23:39:00.000+08:00

That person said the below is not true... at least not completely true i guess... so i shall believe that person =) nevertheless... i don't think i'll feel the same anymore... i will try to behave accordingly to what i think the person wants. it's more convenient.

Happy chinese new year to jinling & everyone~~!

Disappointed

2005-02-06T23:07:00.000+08:00

There's only one word to describe my feelings now, and that is disappointment. *major face fall. i feel so naive again, more naive than ever. maybe more naive than last time. ok maybe not. but still very foolish. when one discovers that the person she always like to share her day's happenings & thoughts with is actually not interested in whatever shit she has to say. neither does that person appreciates her care. at least that's what i perceived. is she foolish or foolish? so... we aren't on such good terms as i thought. i'm sorry. i wished all these are not true, and it's just that i've misunderstood what you mean. i dunno what i've done wrong. maybe to annoy you. foolish girl.

Life is difficult.

rotten

2005-01-30T22:45:00.000+08:00

I hate to be taken for granted. maybe it's unconscious but that's how i feel. i'm worthless. i shall not be such a nice girl anymore.

I hate it when someone promises me something which he won't do. when i get my expectations high and later on make me feel oh so disappointed in the end. maybe it's not your fault, situation is not under your control. but when you promise me something and didn't fufill it... i'll really be very disappointed... cos i mind... i should really get use to this, since i'm always taken for granted.

I'm sorry i always take my mum for granted.

Hi

2005-01-29T22:25:00.000+08:00

Hellohello i haven't been blogging for a week. lazy to come online after a boring day of work for one. nothing much to write about after a boring day of work for two. working makes life a routine.

Went fish n co. with my beloved class 13 yesterday.. yummy yumyum haven't eaten such good food for quite a long while. like what laoda said, it's so nice to splurge & indulge ourselves after a tough day at work. not really tough for me lah. you know, boring... i think i'm someone who cannot stand routine life. i think my typing skill has improved, faster & more accurate. thanks to data entry.

My colleagues seem really nice people... my department manager's very cute hees pass me sweets & ask me to take it easy & sleep. cool. my section chief too... once she prepared herbal tea for me... so sweet... they took pity on this miserable lil' girl coughing the whole day with no voice to talk & looked so bored whole day. hope my coughing coughcough stops soon cos i promised someone i won't eat bad stuff for now =)

Mer i'm grateful to you too haha don't forget that! continue tagging haha you are the only regular tagger =P Thanks to everyone who bothered to read my blog... thanks for your interest & care... ^-^ oh and please TAG!

sick

2005-01-22T21:50:00.000+08:00

I'm down. jinling is sick. i feel horrible. help.

Was sneezing all the way during SAT today, and my headache was killing me. and i forgot to bring calculator. ha. luckily don't really need calculator. my mental sums are good enough ok. primary school maths... not like i will get all correct. :s

Anyway... i'm really feeling like shit today. went out for lunch with brandon, wearing the xianz attitude... haha.. so sorry... really feeling very sick... thanks brandon for buying panadol for me heehee... so nice.. and thanks for checking my blog regularly for updates, you are the only loyal fan of my blog as far as i know.. ha.. thanks for letting me feel that you are concerned and interested in my life.. very grateful... sobs =)

where (or what) is my missing piece?

2005-01-20T23:09:00.000+08:00

I noticed this book while running an errand to the kino main store today. It's just a plain child-like looking book with childish scribbles as cover design. trust me to notice that. anyway, it's called ' where is my missing piece' or 'looking for my missing piece' or something like that. :s

ANYWAY. it's more like a picture(scribbles) book, with a few lines of descriptions each page... the chimchim thought-provoking kind. i flipped through a bit... it's about this circle which is incomplete. it has a missing piece. it rolls around looking for it's missing piece. it found pieces that do not fit; either too big or small. it found a fitting piece, and started rolling smoothly, happily... but then it lost that piece... but life goes on... it'll continue rolling happily, continue to look for it's missing piece...

I'm sure that's not the whole story cos i only flipped through briefly... but i already vaguely got the lesson to learn... i hope i find my missing piece soon too... where? or in fact what is it?? only once in my life after secondary school that i found that fitting piece before... haha... i felt that it fitted me, but i guess it didn't feel as fitting as i did... and left a scar... BUT... some other pieces will fill me up again =)

2005-01-15T23:20:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging for quite a while.. ever since i started working at Kinokuniya.. have been arriving home quite late & tired... tomorrow no work!! yipee...

Hmms, so... job at kino is not bad... learning more things now, hope i can remember everything & not screw up. my colleagues are beginning to discover my blurness & clumsiness... forgetting to punch in out or punching wrongly, confusing my way to the main store, leaving my things behind... opps... hope they won't be too afraid to trust me with more stuff to handle =P feel that i am responsible for too many things already anyway.. ha.. for a $5 job.. so i guess i'm still trusted =D

I feel more peaceful now... wonder how long will this feeling last before i'm back in turmoil again... really wish i could be more indifferent with some things in life... but regarding things that i care about, i just can't tell myself to heck care. if i could 'fang de xia' like what you said, it would mean that i don't care anymore. see, for example if i don't miss my super cute soft toy angel keychain that i lost in china it would mean that i didn't care about it in the first place. haha... to me, that's how it goes... angelangel where are you... but i'm not THAT upset anymore now... hees...

Anyway the above statement is on a case by case basis, doesn't apply to everything. i can 'fang de xia' but still care about some things. i bet no one knows what i'm talking about. nevermind i know. =) u know, but you don't read my blog.

2005-01-09T01:23:00.000+08:00

i feel miserable. stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid please stop it stop it stop it stop it can you please stop this??? ah maybe you are thinking the same thing you think i should be the one to stop THIS. i dunno what is THIS.

New job!

2005-01-08T22:13:00.000+08:00

So i've quit the folding clothes job at Fox. simply because i've gotten another better job. Kinokuniya accepted me! ooh... didn't expect them to reply so quickly, thought would have to work at Fox for at least 2 weeks.. or longer if i don't get the kino job. goody. guess at least it's something to cheer me up... although it's not a great job that pays super well but it's the best job i've come across so far and i'm actually picked!! goody.

So i pray & hope that i'll really like the job... can't deny that i'm scared & nervous that i'll hate it or feel lonely or stressed or bored or tired or cold & i can't quit! haha... oh well but i can do it!! i'll love my job!! hehe...

Just caught sight of the tv... tigercup finals 3 minutes left, so far singapore:3 Indonesia:0. hohoho... *surprised

First day of work

2005-01-06T23:53:00.000+08:00

Just came back from work. Whew. throbbing legs, but it's alright, not the worst that i've experienced. I'm known as a part-time sales associate, but i worked for 8 hours. maybe they're trying to save on the commission since part-timers don't get commission. oh well but anyway i'm not complaining since i can take leave anytime i want & longer hours mean more $$$. quite a busy outlet i must say, and true enough it's all about folding clothes if not it'll look more messy and pasar malam-like than it already does. so inconvenient. they only display pants, jeans & jackets. t-shirts please unfold them yourself and look at the design to see if you like it or not, if not please put somewhere i'll fold it back. even some customers pity us. haha... yeah. but it's ok. at least there's something to do when there are no customers, instead of stoning which i fear most. i'm getting good at folding long sleeve t-shirts!

most guys have gone in army... no more brandon!! no more bra!!! cyall 2 weeks later with no hair haha... botak... nice to roll on the floor...

2005-01-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

Yesterday: ate yummy lunch buffet with family which caused me to be almost 1 hour late for my date with bra & tru. in the end tru didn't turn up so watched kungfu hustle with bra only. 4 become 2. sighs. anyway tru came to meet us later so not so bad after all =) yay i welcome any company anytime...

Today: went for interview at kinokuniya for admin position. duration of interview was kinda long. we chatted a lot and she made sure i was comfortable with the nature of the job. had some others there for interview as well. pick me!! Took up a part-time job at Ngee ann city Fox. guess i just had to do something meanwhile searching for my 'ideal' job. basically this job is all about folding clothes, as what i've seen everytime i passed by. oh well i can fold clothes. no problem.

Brandon tells me i'm a gem i'm a good friend! maybe only to him i am haha... if i'm really a good friend why doesn't someone cherish me as one? i dunno why i'm always so bothered over you. Maybe it's cos i care & you don't & it hurts. maybe sometimes i feel like strangling you. ha! you won't read this blog anyway so i can say anything i want! so there! *gives a childish face.

This is a boring entry.

School starting without me

2005-01-03T23:48:00.000+08:00

Today's the first day of school... only that i'm not involved.. kinda missed school. saw a group of cedarians walking home just now and i couldn't help but feel envious. life was so innocent back then, my worries only revovle around GRADES & HOMEWORK. i'm so sick of life now i'm sick of myself.

i never knew i could be so weak emotionally. maybe that's another part of my change. i think... i used to be a strong person, scoff at those who were weak. presently i often feel so vulnerable. yet some people just love to stab me again & again. what's wrong with you man, or what's wrong with me. i dunno if it's your problem or is it mine. what's going on :S simplicity is really a blessing. arghhhhh i wanna screeeeeam.....

According to my resolutions i'm supposed to think positively. so the positive thought of the day: after repeatedly throwing tantrums at you, you are still willing to talk to me which is good. or are you really willing? nono you must be willing.

I miss the past i miss the past but some things could never be like before. i used to think that every problem can be solved as long as i try... but i feel that more often than not i'm messing things up. it gets worse than before. i'm desperate. lousy jinling.

Something Beautiful

2005-01-02T22:42:00.000+08:00

Robbie Williams- Something Beautiful

You can't manufacture a miracle
The silence was pitiful that day
A love is getting too cynical
Passion's just cynical these days
You analyse everyone you meet
But get no sign, love ain't kind
Every night you admit defeat
And cry yourself blind

If you can't wake up in the morning
Cos your bed lies vacant at night
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it, try as you might
May you find that love won't leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You won't be lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Something beautiful will come your way

The DJ said on the radio
Life should be stereo, each day
In the past you cast the unsuitable
Instead of some kind of beautiful, you just couldn't wait
All your friends think you're satisfied
But they can't see your soul no no no
Forgot the time feeling petrified
When they lived alone

Some kind of beautiful (will come your way)

All your friends think you're satisfied
But they can't see your soul no no no
Forgot the time feeling petrified
When they lived alone

2005 happy new year~

2005-01-01T22:17:00.000+08:00

This is my first entry of the year! happy new year jinling.. happy new year everyone!! =D

Went fish & co. for lunch with kit tru jason & zhenhui yesterday... yummy... i dunno why i suggested fish & co. when i'm very well aware of my wallet's condition. hmms well maybe since it's the last day of the year should give myself a treat.. =) therefore i ended up with only a bun for my last dinner of the year. & a piece of unagi. tasty. After dinner we met weini & watched 'Meet the fockers'. kinda crappy & lame haha... but funny at times... main star of the show to look out for: baby lil' Jack~ hees... cute as a pea.

I've often noticed how people often bitch about what others do which they themselves are guilty of doing as well.. including myself... it's often after bitching, when i think back about it i realize i do those things myself too. so.. next time i shall not bitch so much. cos i feel like the biggest bitch myself sometimes =P

I rarely make new year resolutions cos i thought you could make resolutions anytime why new year only? but anyway since it's the new year i might as well make some:
1) Try to stay happy & positive at all times
2) Learn to be more independent
3) Stop being so lazy
4) Smile more
5) Shake off the bug for life!!

I miss the jinling of the past. dunno when will she come back.

Happy new year again~~ although 2004 wasn't smooth for me, & didn't end off in a good note for the world... we look forward to a brand new year ahead!! hope the sun will always be shining brightly for myself & everyone else =D CheeRs~!

sigh JOBS

2004-12-30T22:29:00.000+08:00

I never knew getting a job was this difficult. maybe i'm the one being difficult. i'm veryvery picky. it's either pay too low too boring too lonely hours not good contract too long/short location not good etcetc.. crap. or it's i don't get shortlisted. my expectations of jobs is getting lower cos i've already acceptd the fact that there's always some trade-off somehow. but can you at least offer me some decent wages?? not like $1000 when you expect me to work 12 hours daily 6 days a week & to work on public holidays & sundays!! labour abuse man.and to think that you are such a reputable company here. pooh!

so now i absolutely cannot imagine what kinda jobs i'll land myself into. it's either boring & lonely or super low wages. it's really difficult to have both ways.

Sometimes when i talk to you i can feel the impatience & hostility. i really dunno if i'm being a nuisance to you. i feel so terrible sometimes... why should we end up like that? sigh...

changes II

2004-12-27T23:47:00.000+08:00

i think i know what's with my msn. should be cos of the zonealarm firewall thing, so i shut it down when i'm using msn. but then... i'll be unprotected from potential viruses.. bleh... *shrugs

Everyone says my entries sound depressed. haha.. hmms... k maybe.. i'm just.. reflecting...

Well anyway... i think i didn't use to read so much into people's actions & words, i used to be more simple... dunno why i'm like that now... for example, if somemone says: "don't think too much lah k..." i'll start thinking "oh he wants to get off the subject. he must be very irritated talking to me already. he must be thinking that i think too much i'm a freak!!something's wrong with me!! why do i think so much?? i've got a problem..." something like that.. ok maybe i'm exaggerating a lil' =P well... at least i'm not the only one, tru has similar thoughts sometimes too heehee...

Sigh... maybe i just need the assurance. i hereby apologize to anyone whom i've been an annoying pest to. sorry for sounding sarcarstic or throwing tantrums or bombarding you with bo liao messages sometimes..it's my illness. i've got a BUG on me. i think the BUG came to me like end of last year... i thought i've shaken it off but it came back again, more persistant than ever. i think everybody's huh-ing no one understands what i'm crapping about. haha but i'm telling you it's TRUE. i don't wanna keep feeling like this i need to find some meaning in my life again!!! Whew. haiz...

Last night i had this weird dream of a big-sized guy which wansong brought to my house one fine day. he had a name, called Larry. he was actually quite good-looking, half-caucasian. he was real playful, kept playing weird tricks in my house.. so funny.. but i liked him a lot. suddenly i was in the beach thinking about the past, he appeared out of nowhere, just when i wanted to see him the most. he apologized & asked am i being too playful? am i too irritating? i'm sorry i'll try not to next time. i assured him no lah you are not! you make me laugh lots!

Is there any relevance to what i've said previously above? NO. i just wanna say that i often have interesting dreams like this which are fun to dream about. i dunno if there's any relevance to my life.

change

2004-12-26T22:46:00.001+08:00

Something brandon said recently triggerd my following thoughts: have i really changed so much over the years? With reference to one of my past entries, i said that chances are, your first boyfriend would not be your last. This was what he said: "i thought you always think that the first boyfriend should be the last?" that's true... if he hadn't mention it i would have forgotten how foolish I had been in the past. REALLY. i replied: " if he's the right person lah." i sound kinda duh right. Me: "it's unrealistic" brandon: " no it's just idealistic". well... at least our objectives & expectations of our relationship has to be the same right...

So that's a change in my viewpoint. in addition, i've started to question whether there really exist 'tian chang di jiu de ai' (forever lasting love). after the initial crush feelings what comes next? is it just the responsibility of the relationship? is it cos you've grown so comfortable with each other that you just want to spend the rest of your lives together? how do you maintain the initial lovey dovey feelings? it's more difficult to sustain a love than to fall in love. hope that someday someone will show me it's possible.. i rarely regret the things that i've done, but often those that i hadn't done. So chim... haha... =P

In summary you can say that i've lost much confidence in love. if someone comes to me saying 'i love you' i'll start to wonder how much does he love, how long will he love, how much he'll cherish the relationship, how will he treat me when his love starts to fade... you must be thinking that i'm thinking too much!! I know... but perhaps i'm just very afraid of being hurt. HOWEVER... i'm still looking forward to hearing 'I love you' again despite. Interested please send in resume hees...

Wah what a long entry already. To be continued tomorrow!

"City sidewalk Busy sidewalk Dressed in holiday style In the air there's a feeling of Christmas..."

Let it snow..

2004-12-25T01:13:00.000+08:00

10 reasons why jinling always feel so cheated

1)people always cheat her
2)she's an insecure lil' girl
3)she tends to think towards the negative side
4)people always cheat her
5)she looks naive & fun to cheat
6)she could believe in things that are unbelievable
7)people always cheat her
8)she keeps her hopes too high
9)she's easily hurt
10)people always cheat her

Top 10 cheats of the year which i can remember

1)cheated by Love: it's not as simple & wonderful as i thought it would be.

2)cheated by My computer: it gives stupid shitty problems which are simply plain irritating but too minor to be reformatted. it's real clever too cos it can actually trick you into believing that the problem is solved sometimes so that your guard is down.. then it strikes again.

3)cheated by Friend: after all that i've done for you thanks for your betrayal in return.

4)cheated by Nokia: what good is it other than being user-friendly. it has terribly long customer service queues.

5)cheated by Loreal: simply went for two interviews to find out that they don't hire temporary staff.

6)cheated by Recruit Express: which led me into being tricked by Loreal. anyway it's not efficiet at all.

7)cheated by Tour agency: mostly bringing us to factories to contribute to their GDP.

8)cheated by Plaza singapura pizzahut: your crew is screwed.

9)cheated by Wangba: you always trick me into thinking that you are super hungry.

10)cheated by The rest of the cheats which i have forgotten

It's Christmas!! here i am complaining about being cheated. haha.. Brandon says we should open our hearts and be forgiving on Christmas. hmms... alright i forgive the pizzahut crew & wangba & the little cheats for now.. the rest maybe next christmas.

MeRrY ChRiStMaS hope the following year will be more smooth-sailing~

"It's beginin' to look a lot like Christmas Soon the bells will start And the thing that would make them ring is the carols that you sing Right within your heart..."

2004-12-23T15:44:00.000+08:00

Just came back from 13/03 chalet.. Hees quite fun especially the cycling & talking part.. but 2nd day at night was quite xian.. maybe cos everyone was kinda tired already. My class is so domesticated(unlike people like me) haha.. you guys willingly do all those things like cooking nicenice delilicious spagetti & clam chowder & ginger biscuits etc so sweet! hee.. but i did help too k.. lower-risk things like chopping lettuce, less unlikely to screw up =P

I think jay chou's jie kou has become mine & tru's theme song.. haha dunno who started singing & for that 3 days we kept singing it when we were bo liao. what a sad song.. but my current favourite song cos.. it's just very sweet.. the sentence which made me feel the most: wo zhi dao ni de tong shi wo gei de cheng nuo.. er which means i know my promises to you caused you pain, just in case. how true...

I feel sorry my blog doesn't allow for comments cos i don't speak html. i thought i was already being very clever by piecing together my blog like a jigsaw puzzle but coming out with new things by my own is beyond me. Any comments please tag my board cos i like people to leave messages for me hees.. =D

"Christmas is comin' the goose is getting fat Please put a penny in the old man's hat If you haven't gotta penny then a ha' penny will do If you haven't got a ha' penny then god bless you!"

2004-12-19T20:08:00.000+08:00

Feeling so bored now...

Hmms.. watched 2 movies this week.. The incredibles was real cute. Bridget Jones diary was alright.. a lil' moving.. supposed to give average girls like me more hope to love. hmms.. Bridget was cute too. with her clumsiness and all.

My phone crashed. the screen got stuck while i was browsing through the phone, when i restarted it it got stuck at the welcome screen. GREAT. stupid phone with all the problems %$&^*# piece of #*$@! DON'T ever buy nokia 3200 no matter how inexpensive it is or how funky it looks cos it's #%&*@ and pooh who wants to design their covers anyway. bleh. pooh!

Heard from trudi that kok wai passed away recently... for a moment i was in total shock. i heard that he was going back to school soon and i was really happy for him. didn't expect that to happen. sighs... *space out

The extreme lonliness i feel sometimes overwhelms me... im aware of the friends around me... just that maybe i need more care. anybody reading this entry please show this pathetic little loser here more care. haha...

your first boyfriend shouldn't be too perfect

2004-12-16T22:14:00.000+08:00

Your first boyfriend shouldn't be too perfect.

Why is that so? well.. here are my 2 main reasons:
1)Chances are, your first boyfriend would not be your last, unless if you are already at the age of 35 & above
2)Your first boyfriend has already set the so-called benchmark. it's just difficult to accept someone of less making. you just won't stop comparing.
Above is just some of my personal thoughts, you are allowed to call me an idiot & give me your few cents worth... or add a few more reasons ;-)

It's real nice to have a boyfriend, to have someone to nuture me spoil me take care of me love me & always be there for me... hmms... nevermind... being single also not bad lah hor =D

Love is a condition when the other person's happiness is essential to your own.

hehe

2004-12-14T18:13:00.000+08:00

Hmms i haven't been updating my blog for a longlong time.. partly cos i'm lazy.. what a lazy me.

Well to summarise the past few weeks' happenins', i came back from china, brought back some little stuff like tidbits, accessories & little things to give away to my friends! nothing like clothes or shoes cos it's all winter over there.

Then there was prom.. super boring but that was expected anyway. didn't have many people from my class attending.. the food was like urgh since they figured out no one's there to eat anyway. so most of the time we were walking around chatting & taking pictures. some people looked really different from usual boring school days.. guess some do-ups can really make wonders.

I coloured & permed my hair.. The colour was alright i guess, turns light easily cos my hair's originally brown-based. i hate my hair now... pleah... so dry & messy... the stylist said to give it some time to settle it'll look really nice... i doubt so...

So now i'm back to my completely aimless life again. class chalet on 22th 23th 24th so i can't possibly start working now. i really feel so empty inside, as though somene had dug a hole in my heart. what's with my life??? get a grip get a grip!!!

I shall hereby pay a special contribution to my sisbra.. hehe.. who has always been here for me these days. he's always there! to here me speak, accompany me & to fix my com! hahaha... i'm really grateful to you bra, although i may not always show it. =D

I guess i've always been a very dependent person. My friends make me who i am to day =) anyway who am i actually?? haha..

I've always wondered how long it'll take before i can get into a new relationship. not anywhere soon i guess. after everything, i find it very hard to trust men in that way again. i'm not being resentful here and saying that i've put my trust in the wrong hands. it's that after the 100% trust & love & everything that i've put in i may not get the same in return... it may not necessarily end up well... i know it's much easier for you, or maybe it's just guys... =P or maybe i'm just a person who's not too optimistic.

I dunno if you & i could ever be like beforebefore again if you know what i mean. If we hadn't talked, all the misunderstandings would get in the way. I've always treated you as one of my best friends & i probably always will unless you tell me not to =) (see i'm being very gracious here =P)

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

2004-11-26T23:30:00.000+08:00

I don't have much to say today.. i'm tired and sleepy and grouchy.. no blogging for the next week plus.. cya blog.

Alternate sniffing & sneezing

2004-11-25T23:28:00.000+08:00

There's a pattern to this.
I had some serious coughing & sneezing & sniffing the day before my last econs paper, i thought i was in deep shit cos it may result in a fever the next day.. so i just hoped and prayed that i'll be ok.. Next day during the paper i was fine! maybe nose feels little sore but generally i felt good. sigh of relief. Next day tuesday it came back again, i thought arghh ok nevermind it's not as bad as the first day and anyway exams over. Wednesday i felt perfectly fine i thought finally i have recovered for good. Now thursday im sniffing again.
At least i noe i'll feel fine tomorrow.

Went orchard AGAIN for the 4th time in a row. went back to Chaos to buy my dress but i discovered a new and better looking one so i bought that with some alterations.
When we were about to cross the road, some teenage guy came to us for some survey. It was drizzling and we were looking to cross the road quickly to reach the shelter. survey guy:" er can you give me some of your time? it won't take long.." Me:"sorry"(continued to brisk walk) survey guy:"i get $2 for every survey done please help me"(something like that i'm not quoting accurately) Huh?? we juz walked away. HUh?? it's not as though he's a needy or whatever why is he telling me this?? haha so funny.. you get $2 for me taking part in your survey then what do i get? i get drenched in the rain. Hmms.. or maybe he IS a needy just that we couldn't recognize.. oh well..

=(

2004-11-25T01:01:00.000+08:00

i wanna watch shark tale but no one else wants to watch.. *sobs.. i'm very sad.. =(

This that this that...

2004-11-24T22:49:00.000+08:00

Went orchard AGAIN with tru.. haha 3rd day in a row! This time i compiled this list of possible dress shops from magazines in order to make use of our time most efficiently to get a grad nite dress! Saw 2 dresses at Chaos thats nice but i cant decide which one to buy!! helphelphelp lil' miss indecisive.. Glamourous shimmery dress that's a bit big VS simple fitter dress that's a bit plain.. yinimaniminimo.. not yet decided so haven't bought any yet!

Went for briefing for the trip with my parents after that.. something happened that kept me amused for quite some time. Heres.. It starts at 6.30pm. Started on time. While the tour person was talking, some lady walked in. She looked surprised. Late lady(irritated):"You said 6.30 right?" Tour person:"er ya now is 6wat?" 6.45pm. Sniggers around the room. Late lady looks annoyed. Tour person looks paiseh:" er nevermind different a bit nevermind hor please sit down.." Hmms.. did she expect everyone to wait for her or that she expected people to be late like her so surely it won't start on time or did she misread her watch?

Not really excited about my trip.. maybe i'm just real tired.. wonder what'll happen to my terapin wangba..

I'm tired

2004-11-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

My 2nd day of freedom.. so tired.. school has been wearing me out and i have not recovered from it yet, i must regain my energy soon! I feel like i'm 70 now.. yawns.. backache arghh..
Went orchard again with jian, watched princess diaries 2.. i know that it's a pretty old show by now but bah who cares.

MovieReview: Princess Diaries 2 The royal engagement.. Basically just a story about this new-found princess who was supposed to get married to be able to accend to the throne successfully but fell in love instead with this guy who was supposed to be a fellow competitor to the throne. *breathes Then so this wonderful princess charmed everyone with her gracious acts and they lived happily ever after.. (i don't really like to do summaries =p)
eh not a bad movie.. will evoke lotsa oohs & ahhs & awws & ahahahhahahhahas from the audience. (like those kids sitting around us who were screaming their heads off with laughter) It's a cliche story.. predictable ending.. but lotsa fun to watch.. bet most girls would love it no matter what cos it's so princessy n fufills our deepest girlish fairytale secrets (to have your own mall, live in a palace, waited on head to foot by hundreds of people, marry a handsome prince *swoons and most of all.. be called princess jinling wooo... *shudders)
Right. So overall i give the movie 3 1/2 bites! *crunch crunch crun- (does that sound familiar? =p)

Alrights.. oh then we saw mayday just now. As in wu yue tian the band.. not exciting anyway haha it's not like it's jay chou.. they were coming out from billy bombers and standing around taking pictures with some people who spotted them.. jian & i were just standing nearby wondering when would the rain stop.. they seemed quite nice.. one of them with pink shirt smiled at us as he walked past heehee but jian was looking at the other way then so i just smiled back.. aiya why didn't he say hi to me and give me his number hahhaha... xiao.

Wah my entry is long.

I feel so self-conscious of things that i write here, like, do i have any grammer mistakes? do i sound stupid like i always do? Wish i could write MARVELLOUS english like some people i know, and when you read their stuff you'll feel WAH.. deep and thought-provoking.. hmms.. let me go read more of those classic english novels or watch BBC.. give me 10 years i can do it!
I feel lost.. something's missing in my life.. or maybe i'm juzt not used to non-mugging lifestyle.. i need to get a grip!!

Wah my entry's real long..
I'm tired..

Taste of FREEdom

2004-11-23T00:18:00.001+08:00

22nd Nov yay this is my first entry hmms don't really know what to write but since i've already told people i'll write so i shall write hehe.. Then why did i wanna set up this blog in the first place if i didn't intend to write?? cos i wanna design the thing only. haha.. yay.. v(^-^)v
Hmms today is the last day of exams!! yay!! i've been waiting for this day since forever it's finally here! but actually it's not as exciting as it sounds like lah aiya nevermind.
So last paper was econs.. after that went to walk around orchard with kit n tru.. we ate and looked around for stuff to buy and all the usual stuff yeah.. Only a few days away from my trip i urgently need to buy all my dress for grad nite soon!! :S Hope can find a nice inexpensive dress that's unique and special but beautiful that's not too long not too wide and suits my little size and my face not much to ask for! whew.
FREEdom~ sense of loss.. what am i gonna do with the rest of my life now? go out with friends, mope around at home look for a job.. anyone got lobang?
*Looks above ooh i've written quite a considerable length leh hee.. i feel like i'm talking to myself with no replies.. Anyway here are the people who have earned some credits contributing to my patchy blog: Weini for making that great discovery *winks Sisbra for helping with my useless & messy codes Jason for checking out the blogskin thing for me MsFussyBaiChi for being the first to tag on my ugly board n IAmDon for pushing me to ruin the nice template by typing something inside haha thanks to you all *clapclapclapclap (as though my lousy blog is anything great eh but the music is nice leh!) =)

Hey by the time i finish typing this it's 12 plus already so now it's the 23rd. Chey.